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Band 4.5

The increasing reliance on the internet and digital technology is having a detrimental effect on people's ability to focus and think critically. To what extent do you agree or disagree

There is a view
that
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that,
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 as digital
technology
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 and the Internet are becoming more widespread, they have a harmful influence on
people
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’s ability to
focus
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 and think deeply. I partly agree with
this
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 opinion because
while
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technology
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 brings convenience, it
also
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 weakens our concentration skills. One major negative effect of
this
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 trend is the loss of
focus
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. Nowadays,
people
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 spend hours scrolling
their
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on their
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 phones without noticing how quickly time passes.
For instance
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, short videos on apps
such
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 as YouTube or TikTok attract users’ attention for only a few seconds, and as they skip from one to another, their brains become used to fast content.
This
Linking Words
 habit reduces their ability to concentrate on reading or studying for a long period, which makes critical thinking harder for many young
people
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.
However
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, there are
also
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 positive sides to digital
technology
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. It helps
people
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 stay connected with relatives, communicate easily, and save time.
For example
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, individuals can shop online or send documents instantly without
traveling
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travelling
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 long distances. These advantages make daily life more efficient and comfortable. In conclusion,
while
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technology
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 makes life easier, it
also
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 distracts
people
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 from deep thinking and
focus
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.
Therefore
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, I believe we should use the Internet wisely and find a balance between online and offline activities to protect our mental
focus
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 and thinking skills.

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task
Give a longer, clearer answer to the question. Add more detail on how tech hurts focus and thinking, with simple examples.
coherence
In coherence, use more linking words to connect ideas. Put one main idea in each paragraph and end with a short wrap-up that repeats your view.
structure
The essay shows a clear view: partly agree and give argument.
content
There are good contrasts and some easy examples to support points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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