IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than showing the cultures or artworks from other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The debate over whether cultural institutions should prioritise indigenous creations over global acquisitions is a significant one.
While
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 supporting regional identity is undeniably vital, I largely disagree with the notion that museums should restrict their focus, as global exposure offers profound educational and social benefits that outweigh exclusivity. Undeniably, concentrating on local and regional art serves a crucial purpose
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Punctuation problem
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show examples
 the preservation of domestic cultural heritage. These collections act as historical anchors, reinforcing community identity and offering an accessible, direct connection to the locality’s past.
This
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 necessary focus ensures that traditional artistic practices and historical artefacts are protected and celebrated for future generations within the nation of origin, thereby maintaining cultural continuity.
However
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, a myopic approach ignores the primary function of cultural education in an interconnected world. By showcasing foreign cultures and international masterpieces, museums become vital conduits for global exchange, fostering cross-cultural dialogue, empathy, and tolerance.
Such
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 exposure broadens public horizons, allowing patrons to appreciate diverse aesthetic principles and historical narratives,
thus
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 actively preventing an insular worldview. To limit exhibits purely to local works is to deny citizens
this
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 global intellectual enrichment. In conclusion,
although
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 local art deserves appropriate prominence to guarantee its preservation, an exclusive concentration on it would be detrimental to a society’s educational maturity. A balanced curatorial policy that integrates both domestic heritage and international contributions is the most effective way for galleries and museums to serve the modern public.

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task response
You answer the question and give your view clearly. To make it stronger, add one simple, real example of a museum that shows both local and world art.
coherence and cohesion
Each main idea is clear. Add a bit more detail to show how each point deals with the question.
examples
Include a short, concrete example to back up the point you make about global shows helping people.
structure
Follow a simple plan: intro, 2 body paragraphs, and a clear conclusion.
linking
Try to use more linking words to help the flow from one idea to the next.
content
The view is clear and the argument is easy to follow.
organization
The essay has a good flow and steps well from intro to conclusion.
argument
The write keeps to the task and balances ideas well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • local culture
  • traditions
  • tourists
  • economic impact
  • cultural exchange
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • educational experience
  • art movements
  • historical events
  • balance
  • feasible
  • sustainable
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