Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that
parents
who have obese children
should be judged for being fat. And I am totally in agreement with this
statement because parents
should manage the diets of their kids, and obesity can cause many adult diseases.
Firstly
, parents
are charged for the diet of their children
. They should care
about the balance of nutrients, how much the calories are, and the amount they have in every meal. Because children
don't care
about it, they don't have any idea about the nutrients, portions they have, or something like that. Especially, they so much like sweats, such
as chocolates, candies, and gummies. If they have these kinds of sweats, then
they just have it as much as they can eat it. Therefore
, parents
control these aspects for their children
. If they don't control it, children
can get obese easily. As a consequence
, the parents
of obese children
are proof that they did not take care
of their children
. Also
, obesity causes serious adult illnesses, such
as diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, or some other chronic diseases. If parents
take care
of their children
, they will not get obese, and eventually, they will not get these kinds of adult diseases. Moreover
, parents
should work out with their children
to avoid getting fat at least three times a week. They can prevent becoming obese just by exercising three times a week. Also
, they can build a bond between them and their children
.
In conclusion, I agree with this
statement, and parents
have a responsibility for their obese children
. They need to take care
of the diets of their children
and exercise together.Submitted by oyj1798 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, ensure to address the prompt more comprehensively by discussing both sides of the argument or providing a more nuanced perspective before stating your own. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of examples and evidence to support each point can also enrich your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve in Coherence and Cohesion, strive for a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Usage of cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore) can be optimized for smoother transitions. Furthermore, paragraphing can be used more effectively to distinguish between points. Consider introducing counterarguments or varied viewpoints in separate paragraphs to enhance clarity and flow.
Task Achievement & Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your examples further to offer more depth to your arguments. While you included examples, more detailed elaboration can provide clarity and reinforce your standpoint. This involves describing how specific examples support your argument and considering alternative perspectives to create a balanced view.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!