IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You are bored in your current job but you enjoy working for your company. You think you would be happier if you moved to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your employer. In the letter ask to be moved to a position in another department explain how you feel about your current position and your career say why you think changing your job would be good for you and the company

#job #company #department #employer #position #career
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my thoughts regarding my current role in the postal department. Having worked in
this
 area for the past five years, I find that the repetitive nature of my tasks leaves me lacking a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
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at the end
 of each day.
Therefore
, I would like to request a transfer to the front desk submission department for a change of scenery. In my role, I am responsible for processing postal applications by checking and submitting them into the system. The monotonous nature of
this
 work no longer excites me. The lack of human interaction leaves me feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled, making it quite tedious. I feel stagnant in terms of personal and professional growth, as my career aspirations seem to be on hold. I am seeking an opportunity to join the
front line
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front-line
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 department where I can face new challenges and experience a sense of accomplishment.
Such
 a move would not only benefit my own growth but
also
 contribute to the company, given my strong communication, problem-solving, and decision-making skills, which are crucial for a submission officer in assisting individuals. I kindly ask for your consideration of my request and look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Harshit Kaur
Submitted by harshitkaur321 on

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task achievement
You could provide a few more specifics on how your skills would benefit the front desk submission department to strengthen your request further.
coherence cohesion
Although the letter is well-structured, rephrasing certain repetitive phrases can offering a more engaging read.
task achievement
The letter addresses all parts of the task effectively, clearly stating the issue, the requested solution, and the reasoning.
task achievement
A polite and respectful tone is consistently maintained throughout the letter, which is appropriate for the context.
coherence cohesion
The letter features a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph discusses a single idea, making the letter coherent.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately formal, adding to the letter's professional tone.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • appreciative
  • monotonous
  • unfulfilling
  • company culture
  • professional growth
  • passionate
  • transfer request
  • skill set
  • career advancement
  • boost morale
  • maximize potential
  • team synergy
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