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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1997 and 2004.

The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1997 and 2004.
The graph displays the
Use synonyms
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 of Asian
elephants
Use synonyms
in1997
Correct your spelling
in 1997
 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
India
Use synonyms
 had the highest
population
Use synonyms
 of all, meanwhile China had the lowest value for both years. In 1997,
India
Use synonyms
 reached almost 10,000 Asian
elephants
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, followed by Myanmar, it
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
had a half
Use synonyms
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 from
India
Use synonyms
. Lower than Myanmar, no more than 4,000
Use synonyms
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
elephants
Use synonyms
been
Verb problem
have been
show examples
 estimated
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in Thailand.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Malaysia and Sri Lanka had
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
number
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3,000.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, and China
also
Linking Words
 had the same
amount
Use synonyms
, but the
population
Use synonyms
lower
Verb problem
was lower
show examples
 than 2,000. Started with the same trend,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 2004,
India
Use synonyms
 still had the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
elephants
Use synonyms
, but the
population
Use synonyms
 significantly
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 7,000. Followed by Myanmar with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
 than 4,000.
Then
Linking Words
, Sri Lanka had
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
number
Use synonyms
. It
just
Verb problem
is just
show examples
 a little bit lower than 1997.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Vietnam, Malaysia, Cambodia, Laos, and Thailand experienced
smaller
Correct article usage
a smaller
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 than before
about
Punctuation problem
, about
show examples
 1,500.
Lastly
Linking Words
, China had the lowest value of all in 2004.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, population, elephants, india, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Population
  • Trend
  • Conservation
  • Endangered species
  • Ecosystem
  • Poaching
  • Sustainable
  • Wildlife
  • Habitat
  • Biodiversity
  • Endemic
  • Ecological balance
  • Fluctuate
  • Decline
  • Recovery
  • Preservation
  • Threats
  • Environmental impact
  • Human-wildlife conflict
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