IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
It is said that saving
money
 for future purposes is crucial for all
people
, especially juveniles. I partially agree with
this
 statement as for some
people
, the amount of taken away
money
 can teach
people
 with financial literacy and be assistance in tough situations,
while
 for others it might seem like an unnecessary task. First and foremost, saving extra
money
 for purposes can teach a person financial literacy.
That is
 to say, when
people
 start to collect some
money
, they will comprehend the meaning and patterns of finance deeply.
In addition
 to
this
, they can receive not only knowledge about finance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 their patience abilities can be enhanced profoundly during their saving journey. Since saving
money
 would require sacrifices and patience, they can be brought up as strong individuals in future.
Furthermore
, it might be an assistance in
people
’s lives.
In other words
, everyone does not know what will happen in their lives, either good or bad moments can occur. In the case of a tough situation,
people
 can borrow from their own saved
money
, not from others.
For instance
, students can face difficulties with finance
while
 entering or moving abroad to universities.
That is
 why I think, saving can be relied on a daily basis. Even though saving can bring more opportunities, for some it might seem an unnecessary item.
This
 is
due to
 changes in
money
, that may occur.
In other words
, cash
money
 would not be considered as
money
 anymore.
For instance
, the majority of Russian
people
 refuse to save
due to
 current situations in politics and national banks. They do not trust it because it would not have a cost and be utilized anymore in
this
 modern society. In conclusion, I believe, saving
money
 is preferable to not because it can be a support in any difficult situations.
Submitted by mako_09.01 on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses both sides of the argument, ensuring all aspects are covered in equal measure would improve your score. Additionally, consider providing more varied and detailed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise. Working on this will improve sentence flow and clarity. Break down complex ideas into smaller, manageable sentences if necessary.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining a good flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have successfully touched on different perspectives, which shows a balanced view of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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