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Writing Samples
Band 6

Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

The massive burden of guiding
children
Use synonyms
 towards the correct path of life is on the shoulders of their
parents
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.
While
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 some opine
participating
Correct pronoun usage
that participating
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 in courses related to child upbringing is a must for all
parents
Use synonyms
, in my view,
although
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 no one dares to deny the importance of
such
Linking Words
 courses for treating
children
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, it is not a good approach to make it compulsory. On the one hand, awareness plays a crucial role in making someone’s life brighter. To clarify, there are some dysfunctional families
that
Correct word choice
where
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parents
Use synonyms
 are in conflict with each other about everything from A to Z.
As a result
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, they do not have enough time to be beside their family members, which has a lot of positive effects on
children
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, not only mentally but
also
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 makes a valuable contribution in shaping their future.
Hence
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, taking
such
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 courses goes a long way for the leader of these families.
Otherwise
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, those who are born and
grown up
Verb problem
raised
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 in
this
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 environment may suffer from many mental disorders in their future lives.
On the other hand
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, being mandatory does not necessarily guarantee a better family.
For instance
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, some schoolchildren
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have both mothers and fathers working. They can not allocate enough time to spend in these classes. If they are forced to do it, it can create a great deal of stress for them, leading to tension and aggression among both
parents
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.
Moreover
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, there is a definite link between culture and the way of upbringing.
This
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 creates a limitation for some in following something
that is
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 not based on their beliefs. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 educating mothers and fathers to guide their
children
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 much better is really important in making a society a better place to live, I believe putting a lot of pressure on the members of communities to follow these regulations is not logical.

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coherence
Add more clear examples to back each point and use simple, short words to show each idea.
task
strength
Clear view is shown and a stance is kept.
strength
The essay looks at both sides of the topic.
strength
The idea of stress on busy parents is used to link the reason and effect.
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