IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effects will this have on society?

Most offenders commit crimes even after their release.
This
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 essay will shed light on the main reasons for
crime
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 and
then
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 explain the possible effects on the community. In my opinion,one of the primary reason why
criminals
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 commit
further
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 crimes is the absence of effective rehabilitation programmes in prisons. In many countries pisoners spend years in prison and don’t receive enough educational and psychological help.
As a result
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, when they return from prison to society, they lack the skills and mental stability needed to start a new
life
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. Another point worth mentioning is that prisoners usually do not get enough support from their families, and they find it easier to return to a
life
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 of
crime
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.
Moreover
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, it is hard for
criminals
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 to find a job or friends who will trust them, and
this
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 often leads them to return to a
life
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 of
crime
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. The impact of
this
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 problem on community is significant.
To begin
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 with, when
criminals
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 break the law again, the
overall
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crime
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 rate rises, which makes people feel unsafe and reduces confidence in the legal system.
Also
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 government
instead
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 of invest to education and health services forced to spend a lot of money for prisons.
Finally
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,it creates fear between people and offenders in community.  In conclusion, many
criminals
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 reoffend because they do not get enough help in prison and because society rejects them. To solve
this
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 problem, prisons should focus more on education and rehabilitation, and people should give ex-prisoners a chance to start a new
life
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.

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grammar
Use short, simple sentences. Check small grammar and spelling mistakes (for example 'pisoners' should be 'prisoners').
coherence
Keep one idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use simple linking words like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'but', and 'so' to show how ideas go from one to the next.
task
End with a short finish that repeats the main idea. Do not add new facts in the last line.
task
Give a real example or short number to back up a point, such as a fact or a case. This helps the reader see the point.
grammar
Check spelling of hard words and keep key words in easy form.
content
The plan to show causes and effects is clear.
structure
There is a clear beginning and end.
task
The goal to discuss crime and society is easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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