The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, experts and researchers are progressing in any field of education and it can have numerous impacts on any individual and society. Some
people
believe that knowledge can be extremely beneficial for humans. Whereas
, others state that it can have some negative impacts on any person`s lifestyle. In my opinion, advantages of the science
can be easily dominated by its drawbacks due to
some reasons which I`m going to describe in the rest of this
essay.
There are some people
who argue that science
has some merits for people
. To begin
with, science
can be beneficial to keep people
healthy. In other words
, there are a lot of pieces of equipment to facilitate doctors` and nurses` work. For instance
, some patients use some instruments to measure their blood sugar with the cooperation of the technology. This
kind of instrument has a tiny needle for getting a sample of the blood and after that, it analyses the blood sugar in one glimpse. Besides
, science
has some advantages for transportation. In this
era, you can opt for cars, trains, aeroplanes and buses to reach your destination. However
, in the past, you had to ride on a horse to reach your destination which is so exhausting for any individual. As a result
, people
can face fewer problems by choosing modern transportation for their trips and transmitting their deliveries.
On the other hand
, science
can have some disadvantages for any individual`s lifestyle. Because some people
overuse fossil fuel cars which is so dangerous for eco-system. Greenhouse gases which are produced by cars, despite numerous facilitation of this
transportation, can deplete the ozone layer. Furthermore
, it can hurt people
`s body organisms by producing CO2.
In conclusion, despite of merits of science
for people
`s convenience such
as transport facilitation and people
`s health and drawbacks of it like destroying ecological balances. I agree with using science
to improve humanity`s lifestyle. But we should consider to keep our planet safe for the next generation.Submitted by bardiasoheilinezhad71 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure you have a clear introduction that presents your viewpoint directly. While your introduction attempts to set the scene for your discussion, it could more clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the notion that science should primarily aim to improve people's lives.
Task Achievement
Develop and support your main points with specific examples. You discuss advantages and disadvantages but providing more detailed examples or data to support your claims will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating clearer, more distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Additionally, make sure to use cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Task Achievement
Avoid general statements and ensure relevance to the topic. Some statements could be directed more closely to how science specifically aims to or should aim to improve people's lives, focusing on this core question throughout your essay.
General Advice
Consider reviewing grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and professionalism. While this wasn't specifically rated, paying attention to these details can improve your overall score by making your essay easier to understand and follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example