IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The given chart provides information about the weekly outcomes of families in 1968 and 2018.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of weekly outcomes of
families
Use synonyms
 in 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
families
Use synonyms
 in 1968 spent more money on food,
while
Linking Words
 in 2018,
families
Use synonyms
 spent more money on leisure.
In addition
Linking Words
, in both years,
families
Use synonyms
 waste an equal proportion of their weekly income on household goods.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1968, food was the highest outcome in the budget, at around 35%, which was twice more
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 in 2018.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 1968, leisure was around 9%
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, in
2018
Punctuation problem
2018,
show examples
 it doubled and reached around 22%. Housing increased significantly from 10% to 19%, and transport rose sharply from around 8% to about 14%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Fuel and power fell slightly from 6% to 4%. Other categories ,
such
Linking Words
 as clothing and footwear and personal goods ,
also
Linking Words
 declined slightly between the two years.The only category that did not change was household goods; in both years, it was approximately 8%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words families with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: