IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

When asked to choose betwee a life without work and working most of time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is a view that if
people
Use synonyms
 had the option to live comfortably without working, they would inevitably choose a
life
Use synonyms
 free from employment.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach may appear reasonable at
first,
Linking Words
I personally disagree with it.
Work
Use synonyms
 is not solely a way of earning money; it
also
Linking Words
 plays an important role in giving meaning, identity, and psychological well-being.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the claim that
people
Use synonyms
 would always choose not to
work
Use synonyms
 is an oversimplification of human motivation. There is a view that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
 who support
this
Linking Words
 view believe that
work
Use synonyms
 is inherently burdensome. They argue that long hours make workplace
life
Use synonyms
 stressful and tiring. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, if individuals were given the opportunity to enjoy unlimited leisure, financial security, and freedom from responsibilities, they would naturally avoid the demands of continuous employment.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 argument fails to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 the deeper value that
work
Use synonyms
 brings to
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
work
Use synonyms
 provides individuals with a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
Additionally
Linking Words
, achieving goals, contributing to society, and developing skills bring a level of satisfaction that leisure alone cannot achieve.
Moreover
Linking Words
, psychological research indicates that prolonged inactivity often causes boredom, a loss of identity, and even depression and stress, suggesting that a
life
Use synonyms
 without
work
Use synonyms
 may harm well-being rather than improve it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many wealthy individuals who do not need to
work
Use synonyms
 still choose to take part in business ventures, charity
work
Use synonyms
, or creative projects. Their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 shows that humans seek meaning and contribution, not just comfort and rest. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some believe that
people
Use synonyms
 would always choose to avoid
work
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint overlooks the crucial emotional and psychological benefits that
work
Use synonyms
 provides. For these reasons, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective.
People
Use synonyms
 desire purpose and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
, making
work
Use synonyms
 an essential—and often preferred—part of
life
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

development
Add more real and clear examples from life or study to back each point and show the idea well.
grammar
Fix a awkward sentence, for example 'There is a view that, those people who support this view believe that work is inherently burdensome.' A shorter form like 'Some say work is hard, and long hours hurt life.' is clearer.
coherence
Use clear linking words to move from one idea to the next, such as 'First', 'Next', 'However', 'So' to keep the flow.
structure
The essay keeps a clear view, with a start, middle, and end.
coherence
Good use of link words to show flow.
arguments
It gives reasons to back the view and uses some proof.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • financial stability
  • sense of achievement
  • personal satisfaction
  • structure and routine
  • mental challenges
  • social interactions
  • motivation
  • burnout
  • freedom
  • leisure
  • pursue hobbies
  • identity
  • purpose
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: