IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

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People
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 often say that building a suburban shopping complex is generally disadvantageous to some extent.
Although
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 some drawbacks of
such
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 development could be seen, they are in my view, eclipsed by the considerable drawbacks. The most outstanding disadvantage of shopping centres established in the surrounding areas of cities is that
city
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 centres will record a reduction in trade.
This
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 is because stores and supermarkets of suburban shopping
complexes
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 will attract a large number of customers who prefer going to places where various types of goods and
services
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 are available.
Instead
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, stores in the centre of the
city
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 will lose their customers because they sell goods and provide
services
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 separately, unconnectedly, and not gathered in the same place to facilitate
people
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's movement.
Nevertheless
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, I think
this
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 is the only shortcoming when a shopping complex is erected
in
Change preposition
on
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 the outskirts because
such
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 development will make a shift towards other forms of businesses
such
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 as lodging, restaurants and so on. There are several advantages worthy to notice when deploying
this
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 type of shopping facility.
Firstly
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,
people
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 have a better chance to experience shopping and relaxing at once. Obviously, shopping
complexes
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 are commonly designed as a stratified structure with each
floor
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 being served for a specific function.
For example
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, a typical shopping complex has a ground
floor
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 for selling cooking ingredients, a second
floor
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 for selling household commodities, a third
floor
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 for displaying fashion and the top one for restaurants,
cafeteria
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cafeterias
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 and recreational
services
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, which means customers can enjoy recreational
services
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 after shopping time.
Secondly
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, relocating shopping
complexes
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 in suburbs means that the land fund of a
city
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 is used rationally. Areas within the
city
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 can
then
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 be used to meet more urgent demands of residents like working, education, and healthcare.
As a result
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, hospitals, schools, and working offices are constructed inside the
city
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 so that
people
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 can easily move and save time to reach these locations. In conclusion, the development of out-of-town shopping
complexes
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 has benefits deserving to be considered than its insignificant detriments.

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task response
Your essay provides a good response to the task, addressing both advantages and disadvantages. However, to improve, consider explicitly weighing the disadvantages against the advantages in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay's logical structure is generally clear, but some transitions between ideas can be more fluid. For better cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow.
task response
While your main points are relevant and supported with examples, some examples can be more specific. For instance, you could mention specific types of out-of-town stores or real-world examples to make your argument more persuasive.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, setting up the essay and summarizing your points effectively.
logical structure
You provide a clear and logical structure in your essay, making it easy to follow your arguments.
supported main points
Your main points are supported with relevant specific examples, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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