IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that children should do paid work to learn important life skills. Others believe they should focus on studying. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether children should engage in paid work to acquire
life
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 or dedicate their time solely to academic studies. Some argue that working can teach responsibility and practical
skills
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that focusing on education is more beneficial for a successful
future
Use synonyms
. The main reason children should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 education is that it helps secure a successful
future
Use synonyms
 career. If students focus more on major subjects
such
Linking Words
 as chemistry, physics, and biology, they are likely to achieve high grades.
As a result
Linking Words
, entering fields like medicine or engineering becomes a realistic goal, as these professions are essential and in high demand in the
future
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a strong academic foundation not only opens up career opportunities but
also
Linking Words
 develops critical thinking, problem-solving, and research
skills
Use synonyms
, which are valuable in both professional and personal
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 working at a young age can help develop important
skills
Use synonyms
, it can
also
Linking Words
 limit students’ learning. Teenagers can use summer vacations to explore their potential and practice various activities that would benefit them in
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted in Japan in 2015 found that employed students, or those working with their parents, had significantly lower academic grades than others.
As a result
Linking Words
, having a side job can negatively affect students’ academic performance. In conclusion, even though children who work may gain valuable
life
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
, it can have a negative impact on their grades. I believe that focusing on studying offers more advantages for their
future
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Add more real facts or examples to back up ideas.
planning
Plan your essay with a short outline before you write.
language
Use simple links to show contrast and flow.
overall
Clear view on both sides and a final opinion.
structure
Good structure with an intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: