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Writing Samples
Band 7

The internet has changed the world in remarkable fashion. Not everyone agrees that the changes are for the better. Give both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

There is a wide ideology that the
internet
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 has a powerful global impact. Some
people
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 believe that
this
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 impact resulted in positive changes. Meanwhile, there is a group that believes
otherwise
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.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of the
Internet
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. On the one hand, there are multiple advantages of the
internet
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.
For example
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, many academics and professionals use it for extracting information for research purposes.
Whereas
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 others use it to publish research articles that are easily accessible for the majority of
people
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 to read at the global level, replacing archives.
Moreover
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, another key advantage is communication.
Due to
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 the variety of social media platforms, many
people
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 are able to interact and socialise remotely, resulting in more cultural exchanges.
Furthermore
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, healthcare was
also
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 introduced remotely in recent years, providing direct access to healthcare providers through telehealth.
This
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 results in fewer patients in waiting areas at hospitals.
On the other hand
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, there are many negative aspects of the
internet
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.
First,
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there is the availability of violent and graphic content online.
For example
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, graphic content shared on social media platforms nowadays may result in normalising aggression among certain
people
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. Targeted specifically are children and adolescents.
Similarly
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, another disadvantage is the possibility of being exposed to cyber-bullying or blackmail.
This
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 particular issue has been increasing over the past ten years as psychologists have emphasised the negative effects of online bullying on its victims, leading to anxiety and depression.
Lastly
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, the
internet
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 may be perceived as a waste of time.
For instance
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, scrolling through social media made it easier for many individuals to lose track of time, resulting in less productivity. In conclusion, I believe that the
internet
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 has more advantages since it has drastically changed the world.
However
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, in the end, the pros and cons of the
internet
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 depend on the individual and their sense of responsibility.

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task
Explain more now to the end and add a clear view on if the net is good or bad and why.
coherence
Put one main idea in each paragraph and link ideas with small words.
coherence
Use shorter sentences and small words to keep easy to read.
task
Add a strong ending that states your final view and a short reason.
task
Give more exact examples, not only big ideas.
structure
Clear plan with an introduction, body and conclusion.
content
Shows both sides and has examples.
coherence
Good use of on the one hand and on the other hand.
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