IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

These days, there has been a growing concern about adults staying with their
parents
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 after completing their studies
,
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apply
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 and obtaining good job prospects.
While
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this
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 trend offers several benefits
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such
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, such
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 as moral and emotional
support
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, it
also
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 presents certain drawbacks that should not be overlooked.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before reaching a conclusion. One of the main advantages of staying with
parents
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 is that they get emotional
support
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 during difficult situations.
This
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 is
manly
Use the right word
mainly
show examples
 because some people feel
supportive
Replace the word
supported
show examples
 if they stay with their family as they provide stability, which motivates them to achieve success by following the right directions. Another positive aspect is that
,
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apply
show examples
parents
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 often give valuable advice to their children from their years of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 during difficult situations, which helps them to make informed decisions in life.
An
Use the right word
As
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 an example, in India, it has become a tradition for adults to live with their
parents
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 as they provide moral
support
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which
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, which
show examples
 can lead to great accomplishments. Despite the benefits, it
also
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 notable disadvantages. One major drawback is that individuals fail to make their informed decisions independently without the
support
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 of their relatives.
As a result
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, they lack confidence in making quick decisions
which
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, which
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 plays a vital role in many situations of life.
Additionally
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, they
often
Verb problem
are often
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 confused because they are continuously pampered by their loved ones throughout their lives
so
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, so
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 they fail to use their own
thought provoking
Use the right word
thought-provoking
show examples
 process when it is required.
For instance
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,
In other words
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, supporting
parents
Use synonyms
 both physically and financially gives children a sense of satisfaction.

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grammar
Fix small mistakes like 'manly' -> 'mainly' and 'An an example' -> 'For example'. These errors make the trip hard to read.
structure
End with a clear view. Add a short conclusion to show your own stand.
coherence
Make the flow smooth. Use linking words (first, also, but, however) to connect ideas and keep a clear order.
content
Give more detail to each point. Write full ideas or facts to back points, not only short notes.
vocabulary
Keep words simple. Use common, easy words. This helps to show capacity in basic word use.
content
The essay notes both sides and uses a real example.
structure
The topic is clear in the opening sentence.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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