IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? prison = dangrous, and consequence Rehabilitation = fix, mental problems

It is frequently argued that incarceration is the most effective deterrent for criminal activity.
While
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 some segments of society support the punitive nature of the current penal system, I firmly believe that
this
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 approach is flawed.
Instead
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, I contend that
prioritizing
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prioritising
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 educational initiatives is a far more efficacious method for reducing crime and facilitating social reintegration. One of the primary advantages of focusing on education over simple imprisonment is its capacity to address the root causes of delinquency. When individuals serving a sentence are provided with academic or vocational training, they gain a deeper understanding of social frameworks and the impact of their actions.
Furthermore
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, educational environments foster critical thinking, allowing inmates to discuss and reflect on their
behavior
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behaviour
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, which can lead to a positive shift in their worldview. Research has consistently demonstrated that recidivism—the tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend—drops significantly when inmates participate in learning programs. In fact, studies from the RAND Corporation indicate that correctional education can reduce the likelihood of re-entry into the justice system by up to 43%, a far more substantial decline than that achieved by traditional jailing alone.
Moreover
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, a strictly punitive approach can detrimentally impact an individual’s psyche, often leading to psychological erosion rather than reform.
In contrast
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, an educational framework serves as a vital tool for rehabilitation. By equipping offenders with marketable skills, they are better prepared to secure gainful employment upon release, which is the most critical factor in mitigating the risk of returning to crime.
Furthermore
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, education often improves a prisoner's ability to communicate with their family and social support systems, providing the emotional stability required for a successful transition back into the community.
While
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 many modern prisons still rely on isolation, shifting the focus toward a more scholastic approach would undoubtedly
stabilize
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stabilise
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 the lives of former convicts and enhance public safety. In conclusion,
while
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 traditional jailing remains a common practice, it often fails to assist prisoners in reintegrating into society.
Therefore
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, I believe that replacing purely punitive measures with robust educational and rehabilitative programs is the most prudent strategy for modern criminal justice.

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counter-argument
Add a short note on the other side and say why your view is stronger.
evidence
Give more exact facts or proof and say where they come from.
structure
Make the intro a bit shorter and clearly state your view in the first line.
language
Use clear cause-and-result words like because and so to show links.
grammar
Check long sentences to avoid errors and keep grammar steady.
content
Clear view and strong line of why you think this way.
structure
Good flow of ideas from one point to the next with linking words.
evidence
Good use of a real example (RAND data).
closing
Ends with a clear conclusion that restates your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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