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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's lives. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, many people believe that work is the most imperative thing in
life
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 because
life
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 has no meaning without achieving
success
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 in
career
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 prospects. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 argument because it influences a better lifestyle and financial stability.
To begin
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 with, having a good job is significantly important in everybody's
life
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 in order to achieve
success
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.
This
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 is mainly because when we have a better job, we will
also
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 have a stable income, which will help us manage our expenses in our daily lives.
Therefore
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, adults can lead a successful
life
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 without facing a financial burden.
In addition
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,
such
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 a stable income gives a sense of satisfaction when proponents are able to satisfy the immediate requirements of their loved ones.
For instance
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, families who are financially stable don't hesitate to fulfil their child's wants and needs.
Furthermore
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,
success
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 in a
career
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also
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 provides a better lifestyle.
This
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 means that earning a good salary allows people to improve their living standards.
For example
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, an average of 65% of working adults have their own cars and sophisticated houses, which enhances their wealth and possessions.
As a result
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, adults admit that
career
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success
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 is crucial to leading a sophisticated
life
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. From my perspective, people can find
success
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 in many different ways;
however
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, having a good job motivates them to earn high wages in order to stay happy and feel contented in
life
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. In conclusion, despite the fact that there are many ways to be successful, I believe that
career
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success
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 is the basic factor which provides a regular income and improves the standard of living.
Hence
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, I strongly believe that work is the primary factor for
success
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.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first line and keep it steady in the write up.
task response
Plan the essay. Use one main idea per paragraph and back it with a reason and one example.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to show how points go together, and make lines flow not jump.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with word choice and grammar. Some phrases sound odd. Look for small mistakes.
strength
You state your view and stay with it.
strength
There is a clear order of ideas and some good links.
strength
Examples are used to show points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal satisfaction
  • career advancement
  • work-life balance
  • personal growth
  • fulfillment
  • neglect
  • well-being
  • community involvement
  • leisure activities
  • significant other
  • professional success
  • meaningful life
  • monetary gain
  • job satisfaction
  • identity
  • self-worth
  • mental health
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