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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #choices
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In modern society,
people
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 are offered many
options
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 and choices in almost every aspect of life what the
food
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 types we eat , careers that we pursue, or what kind of fashion we wear. I strongly agree and I believe that many of the
options
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 we pursue have negative effects because
this
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 multiple can make
people
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 more confused, indecisive, and overwhelmed.
Firstly
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, globalisation and the growth of technology make many
people
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 know and can try everything new or any
culture
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 in another country.
This
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 globalisation can many
people
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 to be confused about their
culture
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 and the other countries cause mixable traditional cultures.
For example
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, K-drama or K-pop make many citizens in other countries want to try their
food
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,
culture
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, and fashion.
As a result
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, the country tries to mix the traditions and
this
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 makes the original
culture
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 lose its originality and
this
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 can lead to
people
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's indecision about the identity of the original
food
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.
Secondly
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, the sociality norms and the expectations of other
people
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 make many
people
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 become stressed and anxious.
For instance
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, from a young, they pursue many
options
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 for career paths which makes many younger children pressured and many expectations to have a good career. It can lead to
people
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 becoming too overstressed and overwhelmed if they thought they missed out on their careers.
Consequently
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,
this
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 can make young generations feel dissatisfied with their current choices. In conclusion, having many
options
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 in our aspect of life
such
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 as
food
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 types, fashion, lifestyle, and career path makes
people
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 confused about what type they should choose which makes
people
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 become anxious and overwhelmed if they are not satisfied with their choices.
Submitted by dliyaa on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing the essay logically. Improve the flow of ideas between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'on the other hand'.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your main ideas. Make sure that your ideas are clearly explained and well-developed throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims. This will help in illustrating your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. It effectively sets the context at the beginning and summarizes the main points at the end.
task achievement
You address the task with a strong opinion and support your viewpoint with relevant ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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