Some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines. To what extent do you agree?

A school of thought holds that conventional
medicines
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are more beneficial than modern ones.
While
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I admit the roles of traditional treatments, I contend that today is equally crucial. Admittedly, there are some justifications why traditional practices can be a remedy for one's
health
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. The primary role of conventional
medicines
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is to maintain energy and vitality. By delving into the root cause of the issues, compared to the focus on treatment of modern holistic methods, they can identify the conditions and lead to proper and comprehensive therapies. Not only can these approaches help cure diseases and ills, but they can
also
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reinforce
overall
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health
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, boosting the immune system, physical and mental
health
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.
Furthermore
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, long-established
medicines
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take advantage of natural components,
such
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as acupuncture and herbal
.
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medicine.
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This
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is often user-friendly and results in fewer by-product effects that can impair individuals, which is often seen in many cases of today's treatments.
However
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, equally important are the benefits of the modern therapeutic approach. Chief among these is the long-term prevention of existing and future medical problems. With vaccines, surgery, and advanced medical technologies, individuals can avoid risks of unwanted infections and disorders, thereby prolonging their
health
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and life expectancy.
Such
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assistance is instrumental, especially in emergencies, namely accidents or pandemics, where immediate treatment is required.
Additionally
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, though they have unexpected impacts, contemporary implementations are more and more upgraded, with several breakthroughs in healthcare
yet
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, yet
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minimised losses through smart usage.
This
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can demonstrate the significant roles of present
medicines
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. In conclusion, despite the substantial advantages of customary therapeutic ways of curing, applications of modern
medicines
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should not be overlooked. A thoughtful combination of two ideologies would be advisable to facilitate people's
health
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.

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strength
Your view is clear and the essay tries to show both sides. Keep a steady line through the answer.
language
Some sentences are long and can be hard to read. Use shorter, simpler sentences to reach a wide reader.
structure
Each paragraph should show one main point. Then add one fact or example to back it up.
cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'but', 'and', 'however', 'also' to make the text flow.
accuracy
Care with word use. For example, 'side effects' is better than 'by-product effects', and 'herbal medicines' rather than a short form.
content
Add one or two clear examples for traditional methods so the reader can see how they work.
strength
The writer shows a balance of views, not just one side.
strength
Linking words help the flow between ideas.
strength
Examples from medicine show thought and aid the point.
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