IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

There is no denying the fact that technology plays a crucial role in our lives these days.
While
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 a commonly held belief
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 if children
use
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 and play on electronic devices, they will learn technology skills. There is
also
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 an argument that the disadvantages of allowing kids to play on computers and smart mobile phones are more than the advantages .
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
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 with, some people think that technology is our future.
In other words
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, children should learn how to
use
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 smart devices and be aware of related things, like cybersecurity. because they will learn a lot of skills that they will
use
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 in their lives when they become older.
In addition
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, playing on tablets can assist in their teaching.
For example
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, many YouTube channels provide learning videos on a huge number of different topics. In terms of disadvantage, some family do not allow their children to have any type of electronic game because they believe that their brains need to be away from any distractors, irrespective of their benefits. It is possible to say that if the child spends a lot of time on video games, he will not save his time for learn new and useful information.
Moreover
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, a lot of dangers will face young people when they
use
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 the internet, because they are not mature enough to know the good and bad websites. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, a middle with two ideas, and a short end. Each part should have a main idea and one or two details.
intro conclusion
Make the intro clear: say the topic and your view. End with a simple conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence
Make each paragraph have a topic sentence and connect ideas with linking words.
task response
Fully answer the question: talk about both sides and give your own view.
content
Give reasons and examples to back each point. Do not use ideas that are not linked to the question.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling; use capital letters and correct punctuation to avoid errors.
overall
The essay states a clear position in the conclusion.
structure
There are two main ideas (pros and cons) with some supporting points.
content
You include an example (YouTube videos) to support a point.
organization
There is a simple plan and paragraphing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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