IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in many countries people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Due to
Linking Words
 awareness about
the
Correct article usage
a
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 healthy lifestyle, the life expectancy has improved in various countries. Though it has sparked a debate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
 about the ageing
population
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. The discussion is whether the elderly are an asset to the country or a liability
?
Change the punctuation
.
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 I strongly believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they are the most valuable and underrated people
of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
. One of the merits of having an elderly
population
Use synonyms
 is, they can help policymakers and the
government
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 to make informed decisions. To prove
this
Linking Words
 point with an example, if we consider any Advisor to the President of a country, the chances of them belonging to
this
Linking Words
 community are fairly high. In fact, it is their rich experience which makes them eligible for
this
Linking Words
 valuable position. Another example to support
this
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 hypothesis would be
,
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apply
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 if we analyse countries like India,
anyone
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where one
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 needs to be 50 years or older to be appointed as the Prime Minister. The reason is they are considered to be mature and experienced because of their
age
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, and can be trusted which
such
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 an important position. The above-mentioned points
,
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apply
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 make the old
age
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population
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 a vital part of our
society
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. But
,
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apply
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 there are various demerits associated with their presence. One of the major issues is
the
Correct word choice
that the
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government
Use synonyms
 needs to
lookout
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look out
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 for
this
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 part of the
society
Use synonyms
 as they are unable to provide for themselves. To state an example, the
government
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 of Canada has various policies to support the elderly. These programmes are funded by the working class of the nation by paying high taxes.
As a result
Linking Words
, it creates
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
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 for the people
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they start feeling
this
Linking Words
age
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 group is a liability
on
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, there are certain disadvantages about
this
Linking Words
age
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 group which
enforces
Verb problem
force
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 the
government
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 the help of
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
Use synonyms
population
Punctuation problem
population,
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 to look after them, but still the advantages outweigh these disadvantages. Their rich experience and knowledge can make a great difference
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 in war situations. So, they should be respected and valued for their skill set.

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task response
Be sure to state your view clearly in the intro. Then say you will look at both sides before you give your view. Add 1 or 2 strong, true facts or numbers to support your idea. Avoid wrong facts about rules, like PM age in India. Use simple examples from real life or news.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph have one clear idea. Start with a short topic sentence. Link ideas with simple words like also, but, because, for example. Keep sentences short and use the same order of ideas so the reader can follow.
strength
Clear stance and overall view
strength
Some link words and smooth flow between ideas
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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