IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Task2 In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages

In recent years, more young
people
Use synonyms
 in some countries are choosing work-based training
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
university
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend does bring some benefits, I believe the disadvantages are more significant. One main disadvantage is that without a
university
Use synonyms
 degree, young
people
Use synonyms
 often face limited career options later in life. Many high-level positions in fields like management, engineering or public service require a degree as a basic qualification. Even if a person is highly skilled, they may be rejected because they don’t have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 diploma.
This
Linking Words
 closes many doors over time and makes it harder to switch careers. Another problem is that work-based training usually focuses on narrow job skills and does not encourage critical thinking or broader knowledge.
University
Use synonyms
 education is not just about getting a certificate, but it
also
Linking Words
 trains students to analyse information, solve complex problems and adapt to
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
new situations. In a fast-changing economy, these abilities are becoming more important. Young
people
Use synonyms
 who only receive narrow training may struggle when their industry changes or when they want to try something different. Of course, vocational training does have some advantages. It helps young
people
Use synonyms
 enter the job market quickly and start earning money earlier. Some trainees even get hired by the companies where they learned their skills.
However
Linking Words
, these short-term benefits often come at the cost of long-term growth.
While
Linking Words
university
Use synonyms
 graduates may take longer to find a job, they usually end up with higher salaries and more stable careers. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 work-based training offers short-term benefits like early employment, its long-term drawbacks are more serious.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend clearly outweigh the advantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Add one more clear example for each point to show how work-based training can change a life, with a short link to the claim.
improvement
Use more simple linking words like and, but, also, however, for example to join ideas smoothly.
improvement
Balance the view by saying more on both sides, not just the bad side; give a small good point and end with a strong view.
stance
Clear view on the topic with a firm position.
structure
Good structure with a separate introduction, body, and conclusion.
evidence
Examples show how degree limits can affect a person.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: