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Band 5.5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishments #offences #traffic #accidents #measures #road #safety
Traffic punishments are always a very polemic thing to discuss,
while
 some people believe that they do not help to reduce traffic accidents, others think that it is the best option. I totally agree with these strict punishments
due to
 the impact they have
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and how it helps them to not repeat the infraction. These
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of sanctions, stay in people’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 for the rest of their lives.
In addition
,
this
 has a very important impact
in
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on
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 their care driving in the future.
According to
 a study of the
university
Capitalize word
University
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 of Massachusetts, 80% of drivers who have been penalised
due to
 driving offences, they do not commit a road violation again in the next 10 years.
Nevertheless
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 exists always the possibility
to commit
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of committing
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 another infraction. Other people think that these sanctions are not
the
Correct article usage
a
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 way of stopping
the
Correct article usage
apply
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road accidents.
Disaccording
Verb problem
According
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 to my personal opinion, a sociologist from Alabama named Nicolas Jackson affirms that many citizens believe in the idea that these punishments only generate rancour and the offenders would not stop doing these offences only with a sanction. As Nicolas Jackson said, they think that a different type of punitive measure would be much better to reduce road violations
such
 as talks about the danger of bad driving or about anecdotes of people who have suffered an accident.
To conclude
, I think that the offenders of traffic rules should be punished with strict measures because
this
 would surely make them think about their actions and how to act to not repeat them.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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task achievement
Ensure that all viewpoints are fully developed with more detailed examples or data, not just briefly mentioned.
coherence cohesion
Revise some sentences to improve sentence transitions and reduce minor grammatical inaccuracies. This will enhance the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces and concludes the discussion, presenting a balanced view of both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and provides a personal stance, which helps the reader understand the direction of your argument.
task achievement
Use of specific examples, such as mentioning the study from the University of Massachusetts, enriches the essay and supports your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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