IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,
road
Use synonyms
 safety is a serious problem in many countries. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that strict punishments for driving offences are the best choice to reduce traffic
accidents
Use synonyms
, and others believe that other solutions are more effective. Now I will see both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, strict punishment can change driver actions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 know they will pay a lot of money, they will drive more carefully.
For example
Linking Words
, penalties for passing spending limits or being drunk
while
Linking Words
 driving can make drivers afraid of breaking the
laws
Fix the agreement mistake
law
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, police controls on the
roads
Use synonyms
 can change the manners of the
people
Use synonyms
 by being polite .
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 drivers will follow the rules and these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
accidents
Use synonyms
 will decrease.
In addition
Linking Words
, losing your driving licence can be a very strong punishment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will try to reduce
imprudences
Fix the agreement mistake
imprudence
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, punishment can not solve
entirely the problem
Correct word order
the problem entirely
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
accidents
Use synonyms
 happen because is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 bad condition of the
road
Use synonyms
.
Roads
Use synonyms
 with bad lighting can be dangerous.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some drivers don’t have too much experience
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they make mistakes on the
road
Use synonyms
. Because of
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
show examples
 it is important to have good driving skills .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government can improve
repairing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
roads
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport.
This
Linking Words
 can prevent
accidents
Use synonyms
 before they happen. In my opinion, strict punishments are helpful, but they are not enough.
This
Linking Words
 is because there are a lot of
accidents
Use synonyms
 for different causes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments can use different things
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
road
Use synonyms
 improvement and
reinforce
Wrong verb form
reinforcing
show examples
 the law. If they do that
safety
Punctuation problem
, safety
show examples
 can be improved. In conclusion, strict penalties can reduce driving dangerously
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
also,
show examples
 other actions like better
roads
Use synonyms
 are necessary.
Overall
Linking Words
,these solutions can be a way to reduce and prevent
accidents
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Improve grammar and word form. Use simple, correct sentences and fix small errors that hide meaning.
coherence
Make ideas flow by linking with clear words. Use more cause/effect and compare words to show how ideas go together.
content
Give more clear examples or data to back up each idea.
task
State your view more clearly at the end and tie it to the earlier points.
style
Keep short, simple sentences to help read and check your work for mistakes.
structure
The essay shows a real attempt to discuss both sides plus your own view.
coherence
Use of on the one hand / on the other hand helps show contrast.
content
Topic is clear and you touch key ideas like road work and penalties.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: