Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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For many, the key to reducing traffic incidents is to impose stricter punishment for driving offences. But for others, the focus should be on different methods. The domain in which most crimes are committed is in driving. It happens on a daily basis, to the point that most drivers are completely desensitized with the law.
This
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is a big problem:
for example
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, speeding. Everybody drives over the speed limit, even though it is prohibited.
However
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, high-speed car crashes are the most deadly, for both driver and pedestrian. So it is not a useless idea to make rules more severe if an infraction is ever committed.
This
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would make citizens more cautious, leading to fewer accidents and more responsible conductors. Even if some of the accidents that can happen on the road are
due to
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a driver not following the rules, other causes cannot be ignored. Take potholes ,
for instance
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. They are dangerous, cause many deaths, yet they are not in any case created by a person not applying the law.
Nonetheless
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, if we only consider the human factor, we will not account for other problems, sometimes much more serious and dangerous to human lives than any other.
Thus
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, we must face every issue with road safety appropriately , depending on its threat level.
To conclude
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, stricter punishment for violation of the law may help increase road safety by a considerable margin,but I believe that it should not be the only focus. We need to address every single issue if we want to make a greater impact, and it starts with recognising all of our problems.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about strict punishment and other causes, but the second side needs more detail on what other steps can improve road safety.
task response
Give your opinion in a more direct way in the body, not only in the end. This will make your position easier to see.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The example about speeding is good, but one more example for the other side would help a lot.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. Some parts jump fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one clear main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check how you use words like 'however', 'thus', and 'nonetheless'. They are good, but sometimes the flow still feels a bit uneven.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion, so the task is covered.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
task response
The speeding example helps support your first main point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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