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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US

The bar chart below illustrates the number
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men
Change preposition
of men
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 and
women
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 of 3 distinct
age
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 groups
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 experience a heart attack yearly in the United States.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
men
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 are more dominant in these areas as they clearly
superseed
Correct your spelling
supersede
 the
women
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 in all three bars on the chart regardless of the
age
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group
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. Progressively, the bars on the chart flow in an upward pattern
having
Punctuation problem
, having
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 the male gender superior throughout. In
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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group
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 29-44, the
men
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 amounted
up
Change preposition
apply
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to 123
thousand
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
women
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's value
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 considerably
low
Replace the word
lower
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 at only 3
thousand
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. In the second bar, which
share
Correct subject-verb agreement
shares
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 similar superiority in the
men
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's bar, increased rapidly with an additional 300
thousand
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men
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
women
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 progressed slightly to around 136
thousand
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 for
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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group
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 45-46.
Now
Punctuation problem
Now,
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 the
last
Linking Words
age
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group
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, 65plus,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
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 sprang up sporadically
almost
Punctuation problem
, almost
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 reaching that of the
men
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. They account for 440
thousand
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 for the
men
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 and 374
thousand
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 for the
women
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 has a slight difference in their values compared to the previous
age
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 groups.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age, group, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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