IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

Some certain of areas of the world used to celebrate their traditional festival in their
ownway
Correct your spelling
own way
. Nowadays, it is
arguing
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
 that most of the celebrations
has been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 already vanished or some
certains
Correct your spelling
certain
are
Correct pronoun usage
ones are
show examples
 going to
be disappearing
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
. There are some issues
been
Verb problem
that have
show examples
 created an impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 cause
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I would like to unfold some solutions to get rid of
this
Linking Words
 harmful situation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
time
Use synonyms
 management is
distructived
Correct your spelling
disrupted
 badly for
this
Linking Words
 scenario. The reason is
why
Correct word choice
that
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 People have
extremely
Correct article usage
an extremely
show examples
 limited
time
Use synonyms
 frame to get
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 with these
festivals
Use synonyms
 because of their busy
shcedules
Correct your spelling
schedules
. Most of the
traditonal
Correct your spelling
traditional
festivals
Use synonyms
included
Wrong verb form
include
show examples
 with
many
Correct word choice
wide
show examples
varieties
Fix the agreement mistake
variety
show examples
 of events. As an instance, in Srilanka
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
year
Fix capitalization
Year
show examples
 festival. In those days, People used to have a food table with many food varieties .Every house
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
had
this
Linking Words
 event
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they used to celebrate
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a specific auspicious
time
Use synonyms
. Because of the tight
bussyness
Correct your spelling
busy
livestyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 may
distruct
Correct your spelling
distract
 and neglect
this
Linking Words
 valuable
precious
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
,some individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
use to ignore
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
festivals
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 high expenses. As an
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
examples
Add a comma
examples,
show examples
 some communities will be disqualified
spending
Change preposition
from spending
show examples
 money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these celebrations . Because their earnings are insufficient .
Consequently
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
 must be a huge threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
distruction
Correct your spelling
destruction
 of cultural
conventional
Replace the word
conventions
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, to diminish
this
Linking Words
 situation,
preventatives
Replace the word
preventive
show examples
should
Check wording
measures should
show examples
 be taken by the responsible authorities
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
. Stand up for
this
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can conduct some community festival celebrations in public areas.
This
Linking Words
 would be a great help for the public to join with the events and memorise , rebuild and renew the peace and
coexistance
Correct your spelling
coexistence
. Not only that, with the assistance of
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 can arrange and build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness of the significant events.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
Conduct
Fix capitalization
conduct
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
low budget
Use the right word
low-budget
show examples
 plan for these
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
Correct article usage
the disappearing
show examples
disappearing
Replace the word
disappearance
show examples
 of
traditonal
Correct your spelling
traditional
festivals
Use synonyms
 from the world , it is not a positive impact for the
corexistance
Correct your spelling
coexistence
 of communities and for ethnicities.
This
Linking Words
 drawback can be diminished and
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 safe by the
govement
Correct your spelling
government
 and the other responsible authorities by taking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable
preventatives
Replace the word
preventive
show examples
.
Check wording
measures.
show examples

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task response
Make a clear plan. Start with the problem, then say why it happens, then give the fix. End with a short wrap-up.
content
Add real examples or local places to show the problem.
coherence
Use simple link words: first, next, also, but, then.
linguistics
Write short, clear lines. Fix the spelling and grammar and choice of words.
structure
Make intro clearer and add a strong conclusion that repeats the main idea.
content
The essay shows a real idea of what happens when people have less time.
content
There is a plan to use government and media to save culture.
content
A simple point on cost is given.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
What to do next:
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