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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the fittest and strongest individuals and teams always succeed in sports, while others might say that success in sports depends on mental attitudes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some might say that the fittest and strongest competitors and teams always succeed in
sports
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,
while
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 others might argue that success in
sports
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 depends on mental mindset rather than physical strength. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain both perspectives and share my opinion.
Firstly
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no doubt that physical strength gives you an advantage in
sports
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 competitions. Competitors who are the strongest in their league will always have an easier time completing athletic activities than those who sit below them in pure power.
For instance
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, Michael, who can lift 250 kilograms, will have an easier time training for a lifting competition than John, who can only lift 200 kilograms of weight.
Therefore
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, strength gives you a great advantage in athletic events. But
on the other hand
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, mental attitudes are
also
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 very important in
sports
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. Athletes who are truly determined to get first place and
therefore
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 train harder will have a better shot at winning than strong athletes who aren't determined to win.
For example
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,
although
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 Michael is physically stronger than John, he will still have a hard time beating John, who is training extra hard to impress his girlfriend.
That is
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 why mental perspectives are very important in athletics. Both of the arguments I mentioned are strong, but I personally lean toward the latter. Those who are the fittest and strongest won't always win, but those who are determined to win will always come out victorious. And for that reason, I
further
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 agree with the second argument that
sports
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 depend on mental attitude. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the argument that
sports
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 depend on mental mindset. Determination is the most valuable thing athletes have when competing in
sports
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.

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improvement
Add stronger, clear examples for both sides and keep the link to the question plain.
structural
Make one idea per paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
content
Be fair to both sides and say why your view fits the question.
structure
Clear plan at start: show you will talk about both sides and then give your view.
content
You show your view in the last paragraph clearly.
coherence
There is a contrast between ideas which helps reader stay in mind.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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