IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It’s important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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During we learn what's
right
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 and wrong, punishments from our parents are inevitable. In my opinion, it's okay to punish our children in order to direct their way for two reasons. But certainly, we should not punish our kids physically because it could make traumatic memories. From my experience, I once lied when I was a little kid because I broke my toys. My parents
weren't
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didn't
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 punish me badly, but they told me very gently. Lies will make events
from
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in
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 our lives much worse, not better. And they made me think alone
sit
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and sit
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 on the chair called
thinking
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the thinking
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 chair to let me know what I did wrong. After
few
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a few
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 minutes, I
could find
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found
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 out
lies
Correct word choice
that lies
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will
Wrong verb form
would
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 make stories which never existed, and
eventually
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eventually,
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 there
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be more lies to cover my mistakes. I agree
on
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with
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 punishing kids from
this
Linking Words
 perspective.
Use synonyms
Right
Correct article usage
The right
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 amounts of punishments can make a person more objective.
Secondly
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, punishments can be used as a tool to reinforce the understanding of
right
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 and wrong.
However
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, the type and severity of punishment should be carefully considered to ensure it is constructive rather than harmful. When you punish someone with
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right
Add an article
the right
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 amount of severity will make him or her
to
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apply
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understand what they did. Parental and teacher role
modeling
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modelling
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 is another critical element. Children learn a great deal about
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 through observation, so it is crucial for adults to demonstrate ethical
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behavior
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behaviour
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 and explain the consequences of bad
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behavior
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behaviour
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.
Additionally
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, positive reinforcement should be used alongside punishment to encourage desirable
behaviors
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behaviours
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. Rewarding good
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behavior
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behaviour
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 can be more effective than merely punishing bad
Use synonyms
behavior
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behaviour
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.

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the support for main points with clearer examples and expand on the reasoning behind the arguments.
task achievement
Consider providing a more comprehensive response to the prompt by elaborating on what specific types of punishment you believe are appropriate for children.
coherence cohesion
Personal experience is used effectively to highlight the understanding of right and wrong due to punishment.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges the importance of a balanced approach, stressing that punishment should not be physical and should be carefully administered.
task achievement
Role modeling and positive reinforcement are mentioned as additional strategies alongside punishment, showing good awareness of alternative methods for teaching children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Moral compass
  • Ethics
  • Reinforce
  • Constructive
  • Time-out
  • Loss of privileges
  • Natural consequences
  • Role modeling
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Desirable behaviors
  • Harsh punishments
  • Open communication
  • Ethical guidelines
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