IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government should not spend money on sports stadium and building theatres. Instead it should spend more money on education. Do you agree or disagree

It is often argued that the
government
Use synonyms
 should not spend
money
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 on
sports
Use synonyms
stadiums
Use synonyms
 and building theatres.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 invest more
money
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 in
sports
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stadiums
Use synonyms
 and builds new theatres, others contend that the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to build more cinemas and
sports
Use synonyms
 event
stadiums
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree that the
government
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 should stop creating
sports
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stadiums
Use synonyms
 and building theatres.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine why
education
Use synonyms
 is more important.
To begin
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 with, the
government
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 needs to spend more
money
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 on
education
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 rather than building
theatre
Correct article usage
a theatre
show examples
 and a
sports
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 stadium.
This
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 is mainly because
education
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 can change or improve a person's
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
quality. Providing university
education
Use synonyms
 allows
people
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 to develop new technologies that can be used in their workplace,
such
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 as semiconductors.
Furthermore
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, retirees would get a new job through retraining.
For example
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, the South Korean
government
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 offers a large amount of scholarships to cover tuition for tertiary students,
also
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 the
government
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 provides a wide range of skills
education
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 for retirees for free,
such
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 as vocational courses.
As a result
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, companies can make more profits via increasing productivity,
also
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 the
government
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 can collect more taxes from individuals and businesses. Another important point is that providing high-quality
education
Use synonyms
 is one of the strongest forms of welfare.
In other words
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, lifetime learning can change the quality of life. Because
people
Use synonyms
 can either get better jobs or migrate to other countries they want.
Consequently
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, it is a key welfare that governments can provide to their citizens.
This
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 clearly shows that the role of the
government
Use synonyms
 is not to make
people
Use synonyms
 pleasure. In conclusion,
although
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 different views exist, I believe that governments should invest more
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 national mandatory
education
Use synonyms
 because lifelong learning can give better opportunities to get a job for individuals, and governments can tax more from companies and employees.

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task response
Plan your essay. Start with a clear view in the intro and say it again in the end.
task response
Give 2 or 3 clear reasons. For each, add a small example.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with clear words. Use First, Also, But, For example.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph hold one main idea. A topic sentence helps.
grammar
Check your grammar. Use short, plain words and fix error in sentences.
strength
Clear view is shown in the intro and the end.
strength
Linking words help flow in places.
strength
Some real country example is used to back ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic development
  • socio-economic groups
  • equal opportunities
  • harmonious and equitable society
  • innovation and technological advancements
  • global competitiveness
  • holistic development
  • physical health
  • stress relief
  • cultural enrichment
  • generate revenue
  • local economy
  • misuse or inefficient allocation
  • balanced approach
  • adequately funded
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