IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Child labour is considered to be one of the most serious problems ob the planet. What are the reasons why children find themselves in child labour and can be done to tackle this issue ?

Nowadays,
child
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 is still considered a serious
big
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
problem, particularly in some Countries. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
tought
Correct your spelling
thought
,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that, in my opinion,
children
Use synonyms
 have to go to school and their education has to be guaranteed.
Children
Use synonyms
 should be protected from every kind of work aimed
to produce
Change preposition
at producing
show examples
 money for
audults
Correct your spelling
adults
. There are places, like some low-income Countries, in which
children
Use synonyms
, particularly those coming from the poorest families, can't go to school,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they have to work and contribute to the
mantainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
family
Correct word choice
whole family
show examples
. From an economic point of view, it can be understood
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 looking at their future, it is very dangerous for many reasons. First of all, underage
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 is
too much
Rephrase
apply
show examples
often associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 scarce
securuty
Correct your spelling
security
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the place of work and
children
Use synonyms
's health is not guaranteed.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are frequently exposed to different potentially dangerous conditions.
Finally
Linking Words
,
child
Use synonyms
 labour is a guilt for the adults
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 obtain money from
child
Use synonyms
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
. They spend less than the due money for the salary of an underage person,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is not declared to the Government.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think that during childhood
attending
Punctuation problem
, attending
show examples
little
Change preposition
to little
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 at school or for the parents, has a pivotal role for babies.
This
Linking Words
 is the way to learn the importance of obtaining
someting
Correct your spelling
something
 with a little contribution, in a healthy and protected way. Governments should support activities aimed
to protect
Change preposition
at protecting
show examples
 these "little workers", providing a supervising role that
guarantee
Correct subject-verb agreement
guarantees
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's rights.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they
sould
Correct your spelling
should
 punish all the adults
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 expose
children
Use synonyms
 to serious dangers. It can be concluded that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 working as a
child
Use synonyms
 should be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crime, particularly if
children
Use synonyms
's education and security aren't preserved.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, little and controlled works for
children
Use synonyms
, intended as an educational tool, should be supported and sustained by the Government.

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content
Give a clear plan in steps. Start with a short view, then give reasons, then offer fix, and end with a short end.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph. Begin with a topic sentence that says the idea, then add why and examples.
cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like and, also, but, so. Use the same order all through the essay.
grammar
Fix grammar and spell wrong words for clarity. Use simple words and short sentences.
style
Keep a formal tone. Do not use many 'I' or personal feel in this task.
content
The writer shows a clear view that child labor harms schooling and health.
content
There is an attempt to discuss how poverty can lead to child labor.
structure
A rough plan and some structure are seen, with some linking words and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty
  • income
  • support
  • families
  • countries
  • work
  • education
  • future
  • free
  • available
  • beliefs
  • normal
  • community
  • awareness
  • campaigns
  • benefits
  • laws
  • enforcement
  • check
  • workplaces
What to do next:
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