IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Tourism has become one of the leading sources of revenue in many countries. Do the advantages of tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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tourism
Use synonyms
 has a pivotal role in the revenue of many countries, leading to many advantages, but
also
Linking Words
 to some disadvantages. In my opinion,
due to
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 the fact that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 is fundamental for both work and holiday reasons,
tourism
Use synonyms
 represents one of the
most
Correct word choice
main
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 sources of revenue in many
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
. For
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
, in Italy there are many tourists attracted by our historical monuments and wonderful nature.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are many workers coming from abroad for
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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periods of time, varying from
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 days to several weeks or months. It could be considered a sort of work
tourism
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that these subjects are still tourists, going to visit our monuments, locals and other typical places.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 there are students
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 can come for a short visit or stay for a longer period. They are
also
Linking Words
 considered tourists, for the same reasons. In
this
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 way, every country can offer several services to foreign people
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can obtain most
part
Check wording
apply
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of their income, especially in some periods of the year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, too many visitors can determine a
tourism
Use synonyms
outweight
Correct your spelling
overload
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 could potentially damage both
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 economy and the quality of everyday life. For
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
, especially in summer, most cities sided on the beach are overloaded by foreign people. Too many times there aren't enough services, like parking,
reastaurants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 or hotels, aimed to guarantee a sustainable journey for both the visitors and the residents. It could lead to
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 and sometimes loss of money.
Therefore
Linking Words
, even if
tourism
Use synonyms
 represents a leading source of revenue for many countries, it should be strictly regulated by local and general rules, in order to avoid disadvantages related to
outweight
Check wording
over-tourism
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tourism
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Be clear on your view. State if the good side or the bad side wins in the intro and again in the end.
development
Add one main idea per paragraph and show it with a simple real example.
language
Fix spelling and small grammar slips to make reading easy.
coherence
Use short, clear sentences and simple link words like First, also, but, then.
vocabulary
Keep to easy words and check key words like outweigh for correct form.
structure
You show a view that tourism has both good and bad sides.
content
You give examples from Italy and summer towns.
conclusion
You end with a note to use rules to keep good and limit bad.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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