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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Today, many developed
countries
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 have implemented strategies which have increased the
young-to- old
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young-to-old
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 demographic ratio. I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend is absolutely advantageous for economics and for organizations to have fewer responsibilities
due to
Linking Words
 the decreased number of elderly. First and foremost, The younger the workforce, the better the economy of the region. Undoubtedly, the youth population adapt better to new technologies,
hence
Linking Words
, generally learning new strategies and coming up with novel ideas are some features older brains may be too tired to cope with .
For instance
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, a well-known technological kitchen appliances company in Finland realized a fall in their customer interest in their products,
therefore
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 decided to retire all its designers and engineers above 60 with extra retirement pensions and hire a fresh labour force
instead
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. Despite the initial extra training expenses, a 60%
overall
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 improvement in sales was a breakthrough in the company's success history.
In addition
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 to the economic growth, there are myriad merits for the social services and insurance companies in the nations having fewer elderly compared to the young population.
In other words
Linking Words
, these societies have fewer social service requirements
such
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 as nursery homes and specialized hospitals. To illustrate, insurance companies are willing to expand their business in the younger populated
countries
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 to benefit from the limited expenses required by them. In conclusion, I believe having
countries
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 populated with more of the youth than the elders is inexorably advantageous.
Besides
Linking Words
 the economic benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend to the communities, there is less need for social services and insurance coverage.
Therefore
Linking Words
 these
countries
Use synonyms
 are anticipated to succeed in their goal faster in the long term

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coherence and cohesion
More variety in linking phrases and transitions could enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on some of your points to strengthen the arguments and provide more context for your examples.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and effectively supports it with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic composition
  • economic dynamism
  • dependency ratio
  • social services
  • pension systems
  • technological adeptness
  • innovative workforce
  • national savings
  • educational demand
  • employment opportunities
  • crime rates
  • economic disparity
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