IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of the young aldults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantage

There is no denying the fact that the population in any country is responsible for the success of that nation.
While
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 there is a commonly held belief that there are more benefits of a high number of young adults compared with the number of older people, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, there is no denying the fact that the young generation is more efficient at performing in any job, which contributes to high job outcomes.
In other words
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, working as a healthy young individual in a hard field,
such
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 as oil extraction, would be significantly easier than involving an
elderlyperson
Correct your spelling
elderly person
.
In addition
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,
youth
Use the right word
young
show examples
 individuals are less vulnerable to
health
Use synonyms
-related diseases and complications, which leads to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 financial impact on the economy of the country.
For example
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, recent studies have shown that a youth generation has substantially better
health
Use synonyms
 and a stronger immune system compared with the elderly.
On the other hand
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, more and more older people are suffering from weakness. They become tiered faster than younger individuals. It is
also
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 possible to say that if you are ageing and become elderly, your
health
Use synonyms
 will become more vulnerable to any diseases,
such
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 as Alzheimer's, Diabetes, and Cancer.
Moreover
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, most countries with an elevated old-age group are suffering from high pressure on their
health
Use synonyms
 system.
For instance
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, countries like Japan , which have a high level of elderly individuals in their population, are suffering from high expenses in the
health
Use synonyms
 system compared with other countries, which have
relatively
Correct article usage
a relatively
show examples
 smaller percentage of older people. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. In balance,
however
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, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, especially at the country level.

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structure
Write a clear plan: short intro, 2 body paragraphs, and a clear conclusion.
language
Use easy words and short sentences. Check spell and form.
content
Give more proof and link each point to the main idea that the good side is bigger.
structure
The essay shows both sides and gives an opinion.
structure
There is a plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Examples such as Japan are used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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