Some people say that all people should stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is said that enlistment should go to school until they are 18 years old.
This
writer agrees with this
statement as they will obtain enough knowledge to get a better job and will become more respected by society.
It must be understood that the more learners study, the more they know about the profession they want to do in the forthcoming. The reason for this
is in high school, teenagers will learn at higher levels with academic subjects and abstract lessons. As a result
, they will eventually develop their critical skills, problem-solving skills as well as
deep knowledge of their forthcoming career. Therefore
, they will have enough ability to apply for better jobs. For example
, students
who have stopped going to institutions since middle academy will not have a chance to apply for better jobs and colleges like those to graduate from high school.
Another consideration is students
will be more respected by the society. It is because the students
have proved that they are smart and have the ability to get a well-paid position in the future. They are also
regarded as potential employees and will be likely to impress the employers and will be more respected by co-workers. As a result
, it will create more job opportunities in the future. For instance
, students
who have a diploma will be likely to be hired by businesses.
In conclusion, admission should go to institutions until they are 18 years old. It will create more job opportunities in the futture
and will be more respected when they grow up.Correct your spelling
future
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure all points are developed and examples are more specific and varied. Currently, the examples used, such as students applying for better jobs, could be more diverse and detailed.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, improve the flow by varying sentence structures and using a wider range of transitional phrases. Some areas feel repetitive or abrupt without clear transitions.
task achievement
Pay attention to the accuracy of the vocabulary used. Some terms like 'admission' and 'academy' are not appropriately used in context. Correct usage will enhance clarity and writer's credibility.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader to follow the argument easily.
task achievement
The argument is supported with reasons and examples, making it persuasive to a degree. The logic used is straightforward and understandable.
coherence cohesion
The use of phrases like 'As a result,' and 'For example,' aids in linking ideas and supporting the essay’s coherence.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?