IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of peoples lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

The debate over government spending on
art
Use synonyms
 is a contentious one.
Linking Words
while
Change the spelling
While
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 I
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 the
important
Replace the word
importance
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 of
art
Use synonyms
 in enriching lives and culture, I believe that
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 spending on essential services before allocating large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 to artistic
endeavors
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endeavours
show examples
.
Firstly
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, the priority role of government is to ensure the well-being and safety of its citizens.
This
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 includes funding for education and healthcare, and infrastructure. When people have access to quality education and healthcare, they have a better quality of life,
Which
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which
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 is essential for creating a productive society.
For example
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,
Investing
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investing
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 in
school
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schools
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 and hospitals can provide immediate benefits that directly impact the population's well-being.
Moveover
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Moreover
, in times of economic hardship,
such
Linking Words
 as during a recession or a global pandemic,
prioritizing
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prioritising
show examples
 essential services becomes even more critical. Governments must focus on creating jobs, supporting businesses, and providing social welfare, which can
more
Verb problem
provide more
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opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
study
Verb problem
to study
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 and
also
Linking Words
creating
Wrong verb form
create
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works
Check wording
jobs
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, earning
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
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 in
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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 countries around the world.
While
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 work faster in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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, it
also
Linking Words
competition
Replace the word
competes
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 with people in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 countries and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 from address basic needs like food, housing, and medical care.
Linking Words
finally
Fix capitalization
Finally
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, I do not argue against the value of
art
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. Investing in public
art
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, museums, and cultural programs can bring
commmunities
Correct your spelling
communities
 together and enhance social cohesion. In conclusion,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
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art
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in enriching lives, I believe that governments should first ensure that fundamental needs
Use synonyms
art
Use the right word
are
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 met. A balanced
approche
Correct your spelling
approach
 that
prioritizes
Change the spelling
prioritises
show examples
 essential services
while
Linking Words
 still supporting the arts can lead to a more well-rounded society.

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grammar
Fix spelling and wrong word use so the text is clear.
structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph.
content
Add real examples to back up points.
format
Use full stops and capitals well and put new ideas in new paragraphs.
vocabulary
Use easy words, and link ideas with and, but, so.
content
The writer has a clear view and sticks to the task.
structure
There are good ideas on how art and need can mix.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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