IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the internet has brought people closer together by providing access to information and communication. Others argue that it has isolated people and decreased the quality of social interactions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 believe that the
internet
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 has brought
people
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 closer together by facilitating
communication
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 and access to information,
while
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 others argue that it has led to isolation and a decline in the quality of social
interactions
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. In my opinion, the
internet
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 has primarily benefited society by connecting
people
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 globally.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding with my viewpoint. On the one hand, the
internet
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 has undoubtedly strengthened connections between
individuals
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.
Firstly
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, it has revolutionized
communication
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, allowing
people
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 to interact instantly regardless of geographical boundaries.
For instance
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, platforms like Skype and WhatsApp enable users to video call or message friends and family members living abroad, fostering closer relationships.
Secondly
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, the
internet
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 has promoted cultural exchange by exposing
people
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 to diverse perspectives and traditions. Language-learning apps,
such
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 as Duolingo, and global social media platforms have made it easier for
individuals
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 to understand and appreciate different cultures.
Lastly
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, the
internet
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 has created opportunities for collaboration and networking, enabling
people
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 to form communities based on shared interests or goals.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that the
internet
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 has negatively impacted social
interactions
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. One major concern is that excessive screen time can lead to physical isolation. Many
individuals
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 spend hours scrolling through social media or playing online games, reducing the time they spend engaging in face-to-face conversations.
Additionally
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, the convenience of online
communication
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 has diminished the desire to attend social events or gatherings, leading to weaker interpersonal bonds.
For example
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,
instead
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 of meeting friends in person,
people
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 often opt to send a quick text or comment on social media posts. Over time,
this
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 reliance on digital
communication
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 can erode essential social skills,
such
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 as active listening and empathy. In conclusion,
while
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 the
internet
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 has its drawbacks,
such
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 as fostering isolation and reducing the quality of social
interactions
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, I believe its benefits outweigh the disadvantages. By enabling instant
communication
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, promoting cultural exchange, and fostering global connections, the
internet
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 has brought
people
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 closer together in ways that were unimaginable in the past.
However
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, it is essential for
individuals
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 to strike a balance between online and offline
interactions
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 to maintain healthy relationships.

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Task Achievement
Your essay thoroughly discusses both perspectives on the topic in a well-rounded way, but you could enhance your argument further by providing more specific examples or evidence to support your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your logical structure is strong, with clear transitions between paragraphs. However, consider adding a sentence in the introduction to briefly mention the key points you will discuss to improve clarity for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, which helps guide the reader through the essay.
Task Achievement
You provide effective arguments for both sides, which reflects a deep understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • geographical barriers
  • social media platforms
  • maintain relationships
  • online educational resources
  • democratized access
  • personal and societal growth
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • face-to-face communication
  • superficial interactions
  • emotional richness
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • mental health
  • social well-being
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