IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government is wasting mooney on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Some
people
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 believe that the
government
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 wastes
money
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 on the
arts
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 and that
this
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money
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 should be used for other important areas. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, but I
also
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 think that supporting the
arts
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 is still crucial for society. On the one hand, the
government
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 need to spend a lot of
money
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 on essential
services
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such
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 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure. These areas directly affect
people
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's daily lives.
For example
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, better hospitals can improve public health, and good schools can help students receive a quality education. If too much
money
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 is spent on the
arts
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, there may not be enough funding for these necessary
services
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.
Therefore
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, some
people
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 believe the
government
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 should focus more on these important sectors.
On the other hand
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, the
arts
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 play an important role in culture and national identity. Art, music, theatre, and museums help
people
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 understand both history and heritage who can express creativity. They
also
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 bring communities together and can improve
people
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's quality of life.
In addition
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, the
arts
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 can appeal to tourists and create jobs, which can benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth. without
government
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 support,
while
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 many artists and cultural institutions may struggle to survive. In my opinion, the
government
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 should not stop funding the
arts
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, but it should spend
money
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 wisely. A balanced approach is necessary. The
government
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 should make sure that essential
services
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 are well-funded
while
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 still supporting the
arts
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 to preserve culture and creativity. In conclusion,
although
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 it is important to prioritise basic
services
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, authority funding for the
arts
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 is still valuable. A reasonable balance between these areas can benefit society as a whole.

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structure
Make the intro clear with a strong to-the-point thesis and end with a short summary in the conclusion.
structure
Use one main idea in each paragraph and begin with a topic sentence to show the point.
content
Give more precise and small example for each point to show how it works in real life.
grammar
Fix grammar and form, like 'needs' instead of 'need' and avoid long, run-on sentences.
vocabulary
Keep the simple words, but add small linking words (for example, 'however', 'also', 'then') to help flow.
strength
The essay shows a clear view that there should be a balance between arts and other needs.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present, which helps the reader see the plan.
coherence
The ideas stay on topic and the plan is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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