IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that the modern technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent doyou agree or disagree?

#people #technology #effect #relationships #doyou
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Whether using modern technology to communicate is ruining social relationships is a highly debatable question. The writer believes that automation has a positive effect on human interaction because it helps people keep in touch with each other and share information instantly. It must be understood that automation is bridging the gap in communication. Nowadays, the majority of individuals have been using many social platforms as a way to have conversations with their loved ones because of their convenience compared to the charging fee of traditional methods like writing letters or even a traditional phone call.
This
 is commonly seen in every urban citizen, who uses many social media platforms like Facebook or Messenger to keep in touch with their parents from the countryside.
As a result
,
this
 not only saves time but
also
 a much more convenient way to communicate with individuals. Another advantage is they can share information in a blink of an eye. As the new technology is easy to use, they can share their stories and experiences conveniently by using their phone to connect to other social media and post them online.
Consequently
, it is much easier to start a conversation with their friends, as all the stories and memories are stored on their gadgets.
For instance
, people can use their phone to take a photograph, store it and use it as a topic to start a conversation. Taking everything into account, machinery has been playing a positive role in enhancing the way of communication
due to
 keeping in touch with everyone and information sharing.
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the question, arguing that modern technology has a positive effect on social relationships. However, including some acknowledgement of the opposing viewpoint would make the response even stronger by providing a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is quite cohesive, with each paragraph logically following the previous one. However, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to enhance the flow even further.
coherence cohesion
There are few instances where the sentence structure can be more varied. Additionally, some phrases like 'automation' and 'machinery' seem irrelevant to the context and could be replaced with more appropriate terms such as 'technology' or 'digital tools.'
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear thesis statement, making the writer’s position easily understood from the beginning.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with relevant and specific examples, like the example of using social media platforms and storing photographs on phones.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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