IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantage of technology outweigh the disadvantages

In
this
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 day and age,
technology
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 has developed to
such
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 an extent that the electroic equipments become a normal phenomenon in today's community, so that some
people
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 will
use
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 social
media
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 to keep in
touch
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 with other
people
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 and new
events
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due to
Linking Words
 the development of
technology
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 . For
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, I don'
t
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 think the advantages of
technology
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 outweigh the disadvantages. First of all,
this
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 phenomenon will decrease
people
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's connection because
people
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 only keep in
touch
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 with other
people
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 on the internet
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they don'
t
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 have any face-to-face contact in real life. It not only decreases their communicational ability, but it can
also
Linking Words
notalso
Correct your spelling
not
 really know other
people
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's feelings or emotions. They are just talking through the screen.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 chat with friends through social
media
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,
although
Linking Words
 it looks like talking with friends, it lacks interaction with friends,which makes them lack the face-to-face experience.
Hence
Linking Words
, I think that
people
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 keep in
touch
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 with other
people
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 through social
media
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 is not
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I think
people
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use
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 social
media
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 to keep in
touch
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the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 new
events
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 is impossible , as
people
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 just
release
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 the new
events
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 on social
media
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, they may
release
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 the surface
of
Change preposition
apply
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information
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 that they don'
t
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 really know the details of the new
events
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. If
people
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 don'
t
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release
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 more details on the new
events
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 in real life, they may receive the wrong
information
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 on the internet,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may cause some
people
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 to be misled.
For example
Linking Words
, social
media
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 has various advertisements of the new
events
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, where
people
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 just
release
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 the
information
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 of
events
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 through the surface of advertisements, which makes
people
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nott
Correct your spelling
not
 know whether
this
Linking Words
 event is suitable for them or not.
Hence
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,
people
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use
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
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 to keep in
touch
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. The new event is easily misled by wrong
information
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 may easily
receive the
Verb problem
fall victim to
show examples
 cheating when they
use
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 social
media
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 to keep in
touch
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 with other
people
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 because
people
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 may
nott
Correct your spelling
not
 know the other person's real face or their personality in the digital world.
For example
Linking Words
, talking with one person
in the
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on
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 social
media
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, whose icon is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 girl
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the person is a man, who will
use
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 fake gender to chat with others, and they may cheat other money through mental of
people
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 using social
media
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 to keep in
touch
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 with other
people
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, if
people
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 lack
this
Linking Words
 type of cheating awareness, they will easily fall victim to other cheating
in the
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
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, which makes
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 have a bad
experinece
Correct your spelling
experience
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
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.
Finally
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 don'
t
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 think the advantages of
technology
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 outweigh the disadvantages since
technology
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 not only brings a negative atmosphere in our community, but
also
Linking Words
 increasing
people
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 are dependent with the electrical equipment or social
media
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, and it may seriously affect the next generations.
Hence
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 suggest that
people
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use
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 social
media
Use synonyms
 to keep in
touch
Use synonyms
 with other
people
Use synonyms
 and news
events
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the bad points are stronger than the good points.
task response
Add one short paragraph about the good side of social media, then explain why the bad side is still bigger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea clearer. One paragraph should have one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like First, Also, However, and Finally.
task response
Give examples that are more real and clear. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now feel broken or repeated.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples in different paragraphs.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • keep in touch
  • stay connected
  • social media platform
  • instant message
  • share updates
  • breaking news
  • real-time information
  • false information
  • fake news
  • trusted source
  • face-to-face communication
  • screen time
  • online pressure
  • daily life
  • low-cost communication
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