IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Sports
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 are becoming more popular and
also
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 play an important part in
students
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' lives. Few individuals argue that keeping
sports
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 activities in schools is a waste of
time
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 and resources,
while
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 others oppose
this
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 statement , considering
sports
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 as an essential aspect in education.
This
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 essay will discuss both these views before presenting my opinion. On the one hand, schools spending money on building arenas for
sports
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 can be considered wastage of
time
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 and energy. As
students
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 can misuse the facility provided by spending more
time
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 playing the game, which will directly impact their studies, resulting in poor academic performance.
For instance
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, in many cases, we have witnessed that
students
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 are not able to pass in certain subjects, as they spend more
time
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 following a sport
instead
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 of studying.
However
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, it
also
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 offers certain benefits, making it an important part of education. One Major advantage it offers is that it improves both the physical and mental well-being of
students
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. Indulging in any kind of
sports
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 activity can ensure physical fitness and
also
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 help to make decisions quickly.
For example
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, regularly following a sport will help a student to stay flexible and
also
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 develop skills
such
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 as teamwork, communication, decision-making and many more.
In addition
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, having
sports
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 alongside studies will encourage
students
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 to be disciplined throughout the year.
To conclude
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,
although
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 having
sports
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 in school sometimes can be a waste of resources, its positive aspects must not be ignored. In my opinion,
sports
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 are necessary in
students
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' lives for the foundation of a healthy and disciplined lifestyle.

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task response
Write a more clear opinion in the middle and end. Say why sport is more important than the cost.
task response
Add one more strong example for each side. Your examples are a bit general now.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts feel a little forced.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few sentences are long and not very smooth.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow in most parts.
task response
You included some relevant ideas about health, teamwork, and study time.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical fitness
  • Holistic development
  • Cognitive function
  • Teamwork
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Extracurricular
  • Academic achievement
  • Resource allocation
  • Curriculum
  • Inequality in opportunities
  • Life skills
  • Well-rounded education
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