IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that they are the best people to teach school students the danger of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Ex-convicts
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 could serve as valuable resources in educating
students
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 about the dangers of
crime
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. By sharing their personal experiences, they can provide insight into the harsh realities of criminal
behaviour
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. Introducing
ex-convicts
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 into classrooms allows
students
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 to hear firsthand accounts of the consequences of criminal actions. Personal narratives offer a unique perspective that textbooks or lectures cannot provide.
For example
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, hearing about the struggles and hardships endured during incarceration can vividly illustrate the negative impact of criminal
behaviour
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 on individuals' lives.
This
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 direct exposure to real-life stories can have a profound effect on
students
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, making them more aware of the potential consequences of engaging in unlawful activities.
Moreover
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,
ex-convicts
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 who have successfully rehabilitated themselves serve as living examples of redemption and transformation. Their presence in educational settings can instil hope and motivation in
students
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 who may be at risk of following a similar path. By sharing their stories of personal growth and resilience, these individuals can inspire
students
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 to make positive choices and avoid falling into the cycle of
crime
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.
Additionally
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,
ex-convicts
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 can provide valuable insights into the factors that led to their criminal
behaviour
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, helping
students
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 understand the root causes of
crime
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 and the importance of addressing social issues
such
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 as poverty and lack of opportunities. In conclusion, introducing
ex-convicts
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 as educators in schools can have a significant impact on
students
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' perceptions of
crime
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. By sharing their experiences and lessons learned, these individuals can raise awareness about the consequences of criminal
behaviour
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 and inspire young people to make responsible choices. Integrating
ex-convicts
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 into educational programs not only benefits
students
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 but
also
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 promotes social inclusion and rehabilitation in our communities.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a clear response to the task, it would benefit from a more explicit statement of your position in the introduction. This would help strengthen your argument and make your essay more coherent.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or data to support your points. For instance, statistical evidence or case studies could bolster your argument that ex-convicts can have a positive impact on students.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-structured, but adding more transitional phrases could enhance the logical flow of your essay. This will help maintain clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph deals with a single main idea to improve coherence. Occasionally, the focus shifts slightly within paragraphs, which can make your argument less succinct.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The structure helps effectively convey your message.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thoughtful and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing the potential benefits and implications of involving ex-convicts in educational programs.
task achievement
The examples and scenarios you provided help to illustrate your points well, making your argument more relatable and impactful.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • redemption
  • real-life experiences
  • perspectives
  • consequences
  • impact
  • practical guidance
  • criminal activities
  • root causes
  • prevention
  • misconceptions
  • stereotypes
  • second chances
  • personal transformation
  • empathy
  • forgiveness
  • support
  • rehabilitation process
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