IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

in today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

It has been pointed out that a significant number of individuals have their own mobile phones nowadays. Personally, I believe that the benefits of having a smartphone surpass the downsides of
this
Linking Words
 trend in terms of health problems. Despite the drawbacks below, having a mobile phone makes people’s lives much easier. The reason is that those who have smartphones are able to connect with others from anywhere through messaging applications rather than travelling to a physical place to meet them in person.
As a result
Linking Words
, the saved time can be used to do other activities
such
Linking Words
 as working, studying or doing household chores, which makes life more convenient,
thus
Linking Words
 improving the
overall
Linking Words
 quality of life.
For instance
Linking Words
, a vast majority of office workers in large accounting firms state that they used to travel to their clients’ offices to clarify complicated issues, which took at least half a day of travelling time. Nowadays, they are able to hold virtual meetings with clients using their smartphones, which saves a considerable amount of their time that can be used to stay with their loved ones. Admittedly, having mobile phones has minor detriments to mental health.
This
Linking Words
 is because if people rely heavily on social media apps to communicate in the virtual world, they may experience more misunderstandings and conflicts when interacting face-to-face.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may struggle with real-life communication, which may lead to a lack of intimacy and loneliness, potentially bringing mental issues. As an illustration, several parents whose sons and daughters are suffering from depression and other psychological problems mention that their children always rely on messaging apps to get
along with
Linking Words
 others. When they meet strangers, they are afraid to speak and lack basic social communication skills, which results in fewer close friendships,
thus
Linking Words
 leading to mental issues. In conclusion, people may vary in their opinion about whether the advantages of having smartphones outweigh the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend,
while
Linking Words
 I am of the opinion that having a mobile phone benefits every individual’s personal life, which surpasses the drawbacks regarding mental well-being.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, your view is clear, but you focus on only one bad point, mental health. Add one more bad point, like cost or less face-to-face talk, to make your answer more full.
task response
For task response, explain more why the good side is stronger than the bad side. This will make your main answer more strong.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow with clear paragraphing. To make it better, use fewer very long sentences because some ideas are a bit hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some link words are used well, but a few are used too much. Try to vary them in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your examples fit the topic, but they are a little long. Shorter examples can make your main idea stand out more clearly.
task response
For task response, you answer the question clearly and give a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
For task response, your ideas are relevant and you give examples to support both sides.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is organized well.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: