New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, the advancements in technology have tremendously increased.

Due to

this

improvement, the way that the young generations spend their leisure time has significantly changed. I think that there are more drawbacks than benefits to

this

development.

This

essay will discuss both sides. One of the evident benefits of new technologies is that children get to learn advancements and technologies in their free time more easily than before.

Additionally

, they do not need to depend upon the school or a professional to teach them. Nowadays there are several apps and websites available to learn.

For example

, YouTube,prepladder, marrow, and science tech help students with their studies. Another advantage is that they can learn more about the career options that they want to choose in the future.

On the other hand

, there are several drawbacks to the improving digital world.

This

is because the children in their free time rather prefer to stay indoors and play video games than to go out and play sports.

This

in turn creates many health-related issues.

For instance

, obesity, stress, and cardiac problems are detrimental to the younger population.

Furthermore

, children do not get enough social interaction and exposure with people which may become a deteriorating condition when they join a job in the later years. In conclusion,

Although

there are many benefits

due to

this

development like available resources to learn anything and prepare for future jobs there are several drawbacks like it creates health issues and fewer social interactions that outweigh the advantages

Submitted by m.keerthanah on Mon Mar 18 2024

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examples

Consider expanding your essay by providing more in-depth examples to support your arguments. Real-world situations or statistics would add more substance.

stance clarity

Ensure a clear stance throughout your essay. While you've discussed both advantages and disadvantages, reinforcing your viewpoint in the conclusion could be made stronger to emphasize the drawbacks outweighing the benefits.

sentence structure

Improve the variety of your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Mixing simple, complex, and compound sentences can make your essay more dynamic.

cohesion

Pay attention to improving the connectivity between your paragraphs and within them. Using linking words and transitional phrases can help in making your essay flow more smoothly and logically.

balanced discussion

While addressing the advantages and disadvantages, strive to provide a balanced discussion but ensure your conclusion succinctly encapsulates your overall viewpoint, reinforcing why one side outweighs the other based on the arguments provided.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Digital literacy
Cyberbullying
Sedentary lifestyle
Inappropriate content
Self-learning
Screen time
Social inequality
Enhanced communication
Creative expression
Educational resources

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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

number of children who drop the school is increasing in some countries.what are the reasons and solutions to overcome this problem.

In many countries schools have severe problems with students behaviour.What are the causes and possile solutions for this problem.

shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping.

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and liveable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause? What can be done to solve these problems?

Some businesses find that their new employees lack in basic interpersonal skills such as lack of ability to work With colleagues as a team. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions