IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the number of animals and plant declining? Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved

Nowadays, it is noticeable that the number of animals and plants is facing a
decrease
Replace the word
decreasing
 trend in many countries.
This
Linking Words
 situation may
caused
Verb problem
be caused
show examples
 by several factors,
such
Linking Words
 as environment and climate. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will analyse the factors and solutions in detail. The first
eseential
Correct your spelling
essential
 reason I believe
affacting
Correct your spelling
affecting
 other creatures' lives is the loss of habitats. In many countries, with the growing population,
much
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 more buildings for
human-being
Check wording
human beings
show examples
 have been constructed at the expense of
naturehood
Check wording
nature
show examples
.
Animas
Correct your spelling
Animals
 and plants have lost their original land and have been forced to escape from
habitats
Correct determiner usage
their habitats
show examples
. I still remember there was a nest in a tree near my house, but it disappeared
this
Linking Words
 year, with the
arouse
Check wording
arrival
show examples
 of new residential areas. The smaller range of livin place must lead to the decline of the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of creatures, as they have no place to live and no food to eat. I insist that human should not occupy so much field for their own use. The
nature
Replace the word
natural
 beauty is supposed to be kept
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 nature hamony is much more
silient
Correct your spelling
silent
 than
modernization
Change the spelling
modernisation
show examples
. Another possible cause is the worse climate. The higher temperature and polution has created a unappropriate conditions for all. As a human, I gradually cannot tolerate the hot weather and foggy sights, which may
also
Linking Words
 influence the
necessary sense
Check wording
senses
show examples
 animals and plants need for their lives. Once one plant is
endanger
Wrong verb form
endangered
show examples
, its
preyer
Correct your spelling
prey
 may lose the food and contribute to
worse
Correct article usage
a worse
show examples
circle
Check wording
cycle
show examples
 in nature world. The control of climate is urgent. Everyone must start
protext
Correct your spelling
protecting
 the environment from now on. Reduce the
rubish
Correct your spelling
rubbish
 and try to recycle materials to respond to the appeal of our own world. In conclusion, man's activities have
severe
Correct article usage
a severe
show examples
 effect on other creatures by changing their habitats and other living conditions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
 for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
realise
Verb problem
to realise
show examples
 the importance of
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 protection.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why this happens, but your ways to solve it need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body part. Put one clear cause or one clear solution in one part.
task response
Add more simple and real examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, because, so, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence helps the main point. Some lines are not very clear now.
task response
You answer the question and talk about causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use an example about the nest near your house, which helps support your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • habitat destruction
  • global warming
  • carbon emissions
  • pollutants
  • poaching
  • invasive species
  • deforestation
  • overexploitation
  • urban sprawl
  • sustainable development
  • conservation
  • awareness campaigns
  • environmental education
  • legislation
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • reintroduction programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: