IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that the design of newly constructed buildings in big cities should be controlled by governments. Others contest those who finance the construction of a building should be free to design it as they see fit. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

There has been a long debate over who has the final decision when it comes to designing newly constructed
buildings
Use synonyms
. Some argue that
this
Linking Words
 should be supervised by the government,
while
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 others argue that the style and layout should be decided by those who fund the construction.
While
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 the government should have a minimal say in the final design, I firmly believe that the creative process should be left to the individuals or company funding it. When it comes to architectural fluidity, all new
buildings
Use synonyms
 should be in harmony with the existing ones, to some extent. The government should keep a close eye on the development of
such
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 projects because it can be detrimental to the
overall
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 aspect of a
city
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. If the design of multiple
buildings
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 does not go well together, it might affect tourism, as it could make a
city
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 less visually appealing.
For instance
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, in the
city
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 centre of Paris, all
buildings
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 have a cohesive appearance
that is
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 attractive to tourists all over the globe.
Subsequently
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, governments taking part in the approval of new structures ensure that the population's interests are taken into account, rather than leaving
this
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 decision
for
Change preposition
to
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 private companies that have their own agendas.
Nevertheless
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, with proper communication and collaboration, authorities and establishments could work together to ensure that all needs are met.
Although
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 important for the
overall
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 aspect of a
city
Use synonyms
, new
buildings
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also
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 need to be practical. Those funding
such
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 projects
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 have spent extended periods of time planning and taking into account all the positive and negative parts that go into certain designs.
While
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 some plans might generally fit better visually, they are not the most practical or useful.
For example
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, an office building can often not meet the aesthetic of a vintage house because it is not productive. Because of
this
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, the final decision should be in the hands of the people who bear the financial responsibility.
Furthermore
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, the process of planning, designing and constructing a new building is exceptionally costly. Not only are the materials expensive, but the people involved in creating everything are
also
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 an important expenditure,
such
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 as architects, designers, and engineers. In conclusion,
while
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 both sides of the debate argue strong points, I strongly align with the second opinion.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear in body paragraph 1. You say the government should have a small role, but this idea could be more direct and steady.
task response
Add one more specific example for the side you support. This would make your ideas feel more full and strong.
task response
Develop the practical side more. You say owners know the building best, but you can explain more about use, cost, and daily needs.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with a few linking words. Some, like 'subsequently', feel a little forced. Use simple links like 'so', 'also', or 'however' when they fit better.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and carry many ideas. Split a few of them into shorter parts to make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. In paragraph 1, the last sentence moves to teamwork, which is useful but slightly weakens the main point of that paragraph.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow and the order of points is logical.
task response
You use examples like Paris to support your point, which helps your argument.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • aesthetic appeal
  • planning efficiency
  • safety regulations
  • energy efficiency
  • standardized construction codes
  • innovation and creativity
  • economic benefits
  • urban landscapes
  • architectural diversity
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