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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that when designing a building, the most important thing to be considered is the function rather than the outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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An increasing number of
people
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 have started to discuss whether the aesthetics of the complex is more important for residents. From my perspective, I strongly believe that when designing a building, the most significant thing to be considered is the function. Among numerous
people
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 supporting my ideas, the primary one is that the functionality for humans is really crucial, especially affecting our physical health.
For instance
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, an increasing number of buildings in the Taiwan city hall do not have a ventilation system
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as windows. If a
house
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 does not have windows, it leads to a lack of oxygen and might cause some ills.
This
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 demonstrates that
people
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 who live in
this
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 type of
house
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 will trigger many health problems
like
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, such as
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 heart disorders.
Moreover
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, the poor air is more likely to affect our work efficiency because a lack of oxygen might make
people
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 feel tired and lack enough energy, thereby reducing our work productivity. In summary, the benefits of better ventilation systems foster a better work environment,which is vital for health. Those who hold different views might maintain that the aesthetics of building is linked to our
house
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’s market. Having a good appearance attracts
people
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 to buy buildings and can
also
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 raise
house
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 prices.
Althoughalthough
Correct word choice
Although
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 their argument is valid to a certain degree, we should not forget that building a
house
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 only focuses on outward appearance and ignores the useful and practical functions,like emergency exits, which will trigger many accidents and deadly threats.
Overall
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, the benefits of better functionality promote a safe environment, which is crucial for the general public. In conclusion, I believe that the most important thing to be considered is the function.
Although
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 some
people
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 might not see eye to eye with me and argue that the aesthetics of building is more important for residents, the positive impacts of the former are far more significant and remain indispensable.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in the first line. Say clearly that you agree that function is more important than looks.
task response
Keep your main idea the same all through the essay. In the first sentence, you talk about looks being important, and this can confuse the reader.
task response
Give examples that are more clear and real. Your example about buildings in Taiwan city hall is not easy to understand.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more. Show more clearly why function is more important for daily life, safety, and comfort.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: intro, body, body, conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are good, like 'For instance' and 'In conclusion', but some parts feel long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more clear. Start each body paragraph with one strong main point.
coherence and cohesion
Check small joining errors, like missing spaces or repeated words, because they make the flow weaker.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it to the end.
task response
You talk about both sides, so the reader can see your position well.
task response
You include examples and results, like health problems and safety risk.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is divided into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches the introduction and ends the essay clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aesthetics
  • functionality
  • architectural integrity
  • practicality
  • usability
  • form versus function
  • cost efficiency
  • user-centric design
  • cultural value
  • emotional impact
  • architectural landmark
  • tourism appeal
  • practical design features
  • maintenance costs
  • safety considerations
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