IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that when designing a building, the most important thing to be considered is the function rather than the outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 have started to discuss whether the aesthetics of the complex is more important for residents. From my perspective, I strongly believe that when designing a building, the most significant thing to be considered is the function. Among numerous
people
Use synonyms
 supporting my ideas, the primary one is that the functionality for
human
Check wording
humans
show examples
 is
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 crucial, especially affecting our health.
For instance
Linking Words
, an increasing number of buildings in
Taiwan
Correct article usage
the Taiwan
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 city hall do not have
ventilation
Correct article usage
a ventilation
show examples
systerm
Correct your spelling
system
such
Linking Words
 as windows. If a
house
Use synonyms
don’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn’t
show examples
 have windows, which lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of oxygen.
This
Linking Words
 demonstrates that
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
this
Linking Words
 type of
house
Use synonyms
 will be tired and trigger many health problems
like
Change preposition
, such as
show examples
 heart
disorder
Check wording
disorders
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the poor air is more likely to affect our work efficiency because
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of oxygen might
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 feel tired and
lacks
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
 enough energy, thereby reducing our work productivity. In summary, the benefits of better ventilation systerms forsters a better work environment,which is vital for
healthy
Replace the word
health
. Those who hold different views might maintain that the
aesthelatics
Correct your spelling
aesthetics
 of building is linked to our
house
Use synonyms
’s market. Having a good appearance attracts
people
Use synonyms
 to buy buildings and raises
the
Correct article usage
apply
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house
Use synonyms
 prices.
Even
Correct word choice
Although
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although
Linking Words
 their argument is valid to
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 degree, we should not forget that building a
house
Use synonyms
 only focuses on outward appearance and
ignors
Use the right word
ignores
show examples
 the emergency exits, it will trigger many accidents and deadly
threat
Check wording
threats
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the benefits of better functionality
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
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 a safe environment,which is crucial for most general
publics
Check wording
public
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. In conclusion, I believe that the most important thing to be considered is the function.
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 might not see eye to eye with me and argue that
aesthelatics
Correct your spelling
aesthetics
 of building is more important for residents, the positive impacts of the former
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 far more significant and remain indispensable.

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task response
For task response: Your answer is clear, and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain your ideas more fully and make each point more direct.
task response
For task response: Your example about air and health is useful, but it needs to be more exact and easier to follow. Try to use one clear example and show how it supports your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part structure with intro, body, body, and conclusion. This is good. To improve, make some sentences shorter and link them more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some ideas are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice problems. Put one main idea in each sentence, and check that the next sentence grows from it.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your linking words like "for instance," "moreover," and "overall" help the reader. Try not to overuse them, and make sure each one fits the idea exactly.
task response
You answer the question and clearly say that function is more important than appearance.
task response
You include the other side of the topic and then explain why you still disagree with it. This helps your response feel balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, so the reader can follow your position from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main topic, which gives your essay a basic clear shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • aesthetics
  • functionality
  • architectural integrity
  • practicality
  • usability
  • form versus function
  • cost efficiency
  • user-centric design
  • cultural value
  • emotional impact
  • architectural landmark
  • tourism appeal
  • practical design features
  • maintenance costs
  • safety considerations
What to do next:
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