The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this trend can bring negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Nowadays, many youngsters spend most of their
time
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in shopping
malls
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. It is feared that
this
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trend may lead to negative results for youths and the community. I strongly agree with
this
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view considering two main reasons. The main reason is that when younger people spend more
time
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in shopping
centres
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, it means they tend to spend more money with their friends. Most of the
malls
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have gaming
centres
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. These
centres
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can be addictive for young individuals as they are at an
uncontrollable
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apply
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age. When they hang out with their friends in shopping
centres
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, they spend their
time
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and money on these gaming machines or on these playing areas , which are highly addictive.
Moreover
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, they waste their parents' money ,
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similarly
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and similarly
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, their
time
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.
In addition
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,
this
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is a bad influence on the other young girls and boys. To illustrate, if someone goes more often to
malls
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and tells friends how enjoyable it is, other youngsters are
also
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curious to see what's happening in these
centres
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.
Secondly
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, when they spend their
time
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in shopping
malls
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, they may miss their academic activities and school.
Moreover
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, they find doing homework or studying is not much fun. They think it is more fun when they spend
time
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with their classmates in shops or in gaming
centres
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.
This
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trend can lead to a future world full of uneducated people. In conclusion, I completely agree that young people spending
time
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in shopping
centres
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is becoming a bad influence on society , and there will be a huge impact on future generations.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next.
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Add more specific examples to support your points, as this strengthens your argument.
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Consider including a more balanced view or addressing potential counterarguments to show depth in your writing.
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You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
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Your points are relevant and focused on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • shopping centre
  • negative influences
  • trend
  • materialism
  • consumer culture
  • impulsive buying
  • financial strain
  • exposure
  • physical activity
  • social interactions
  • small businesses
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