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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that a good diet and exercise are not necessary for a healthy and long life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, maintaining a healthy diet and engaging in regular exercise are not necessary for a long and healthy life.
This
Linking Words
 view is largely unconvincing, as nutrition and physical activity are essential for
overall
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 well-being and longevity. Admittedly, certain factors
such
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 as genetics and living conditions can influence an individual’s
health
Use synonyms
. Some people are born with strong immune systems and remain healthy without any
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 conditions.
For example
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, Usain Bolt has a body
whose
Change preposition
with a
show examples
 high proportion of fast-twitch muscle
fibers
Change the spelling
fibres
show examples
, which allow him to accelerate powerfully,
along with
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 an ideal height for sprinting.
In addition
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, access to
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 mindset and a low-stress environment can
also
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 contribute to a longer lifespan.
For instance
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, Jeanne Calment
with
Change preposition
, at
show examples
 122 years old,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the longest-living person on record
famous
Punctuation problem
, famous
show examples
 for her optimistic attitude and sense of
humor
Change the spelling
humour
show examples
 throughout her life.
However
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, these factors are often beyond individual control and cannot guarantee long-term
health
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
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, it cannot be denied that the
importance
Replace the word
important
 role of
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 diet and physical activity. It helps prevent diseases and
remain
Verb problem
promotes
show examples
 comprehensive development of
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
.
For example
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, some nutrient-rich
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 like meat,
egg
Check wording
eggs
show examples
, milk
….
Punctuation problem
…
show examples
 provide essential nutrients, which help prevent chronic diseases
such
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 as obesity and cardiovascular problems.
Similarly
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, engaging in physical activity enhances cardiovascular fitness, strengthens muscles, and improves mental
health
Use synonyms
 by reducing stress and anxiety. It is the long term way to keep strong
heath
Correct your spelling
health
 and
energetic
Correct article usage
an energetic
show examples
 body. In conclusion,
although
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 external factors
such
Linking Words
 as genetics and environment may play a role in determining
health
Use synonyms
 outcomes, a healthy diet and regular exercise remain indispensable for achieving a long and healthy life. Without these practices, the likelihood of developing serious
health
Use synonyms
 problems increases significantly.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear in each body part.
task response
Add examples that are more direct and easy to link to your point.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more so the reader can see why they are true.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like also, however, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order so each idea moves in a smooth way.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an opening and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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