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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad.Others, however,say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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In our
fast paced
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fast-paced
 world,
It
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it
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 is irrefutable that there has
a
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been a
show examples
marked shift
on
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in
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 individuals' propensity with an increasing number of them opting for staying younger
incomparison
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in comparison
 with getting older.
While
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this
Linking Words
 trend offers plain assets associated with today's
convinient
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convenient
 facilities and reasonable living
standarts
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standards
, I
convince
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believe
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 that it does more harm than good in terms of some barriers
dependance
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dependence
 on their
overall
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 well-being. On the one hand , a lot of people reckon that getting older is the sign of weakness
Punctuation problem
, a
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a long
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along
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 with futility.
This
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 is because when they are experiencing
such
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kind
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kinds
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 of affairs, they may struggle to dwell in their comfort zone
as a consequence
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 of some struggles correlated with their own health , to be more precise, problems like high
level
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levels
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 of pressure and heart attack.
Therefore
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, they pretent to not to be in
that
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those
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 situations
as well as
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 regard it as a terrible phenomenon that they have ever seen in their whole life span.
On the other hand
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, some authorities
also
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 consider
this
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 process as virtious trial
due to
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contemproray
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contemporary
 life
conviniences
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conveniences
 that our
21
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21st
 century provided.
Moreover
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,
There
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there
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 are so many beneficial thing to old people in our era
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for
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, for
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example
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example,
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 home
appliences
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appliances
 that can make
easy
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apply
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their tough chores as long as they have some difficulties
to deal
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dealing
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 with them and apart from that
safety
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, safety
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 measures and
healty
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healthy
 security
also
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 play
a
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an
show examples
 integral
an
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and
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 viable role
for
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in
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 establishing their
in
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well-being in
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 a good manner.
According to
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 the recent
reasearch
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research
 of Lincoln University, older people in
this
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generatiopn
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generation
 feel more
energized
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energised
show examples
 and
freash
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refreshed
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 as opposed tompast century and because og modern
technology
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technology,
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 they have
a
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apply
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great
acces
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access
 to live even longer. In conclusion, some individuals see being older as
bad
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a bad
show examples
 process
whereas
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 others consider
them as
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 a good experience
of
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in
show examples
 their life journey, but I
belive
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believe
 in our technologically and morally developed world
being
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, being
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
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 old person is not
such
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kind of
Correct determiner usage
a
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 bad attitude, since they are able to dwell in
a
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apply
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better
conditins
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conditions
 rather than
from
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in
show examples
 obsolete years.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Give one clear idea for why old age is bad and one clear idea for why it is better now.
task response
State your own view in a simple and direct way in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
Use examples that are real and easy to understand. Explain how each example supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use examples and reasons to support your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly
  • modern world
  • decline
  • physical
  • mental health
  • diseases
  • disabilities
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • access
  • healthcare
  • medications
  • lifelong learning
  • personal growth
  • social support
  • community engagement
  • positive aspects
  • negative aspects
What to do next:
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