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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

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It is observed that
students
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,
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apply
show examples
 who are not interested in academic studies become successful in later
life
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. I will explain the potential reasons for
this
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 perspective,
additionally
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 providing the crucial factor to achieve success. One major cause is that the education provided in schools pays more attention to theoretical assessments than hands-on learning.
However
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, some
students
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 perform very effectively in extra-curricular activities, as they learn other important skills when they engage in sports, singing and cooking.
For example
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, if
students
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 are enrolled in a basketball game, they will not only learn about problem-solving skills but
also
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 develop teamwork abilities, preparing them to adapt in different environments.
Therefore
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, it is said that those
students
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,
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apply
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 who give less time to academic studies often fail in schools as most of the time is provided to other activities. The integral aspect to becoming successful in
life
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 is determination.
Students
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 who fail in school often develop motivation and self-esteem to achieve something very important in later
life
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.
Although
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 it is mandatory that individuals should prioritise formal education, there are alternative options to pursue a successful career.
In addition
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 to
this
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, if people have a strong interest in business, they should have the skill of financing , which is not taught in schools. Sportspersons give more time to their games and remain focused to strengthen them, which ultimately ensures that they will achieve success in
life
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. In conclusion,
although
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 school education is crucial for foundational knowledge, it is not gurantee that everyone will receive successful
life
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 because of
this
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.
Therefore
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, people choose different career paths to achieve success and enhance essential skills to thrive in the real world.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why some people fail at school but do well later, and say one main thing is most important for success.
task response
Give one or two more clear and real examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain them a bit more so the reader can fully understand your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. To improve more, make each paragraph focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts connect well, but a few sentences feel long or not fully smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and small grammar breaks, because they can make your meaning less clear in some places.
task response
You answered both questions in the task and gave your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples like sports and business to support your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • succeed
  • life
  • school
  • fail
  • later
  • important
  • reason
  • people
  • sometimes
  • but
  • yet
  • because
  • so
  • life skills
  • real life
  • skill
  • problem
  • solve
  • learn
  • growth mindset
  • attitude
  • effort
  • hard work
  • practice
  • habit
  • discipline
  • focus
  • time
  • plan
  • goal
  • dream
  • change
  • adapt
  • failure
  • mistake
  • bounce back
  • support
  • family
  • friends
  • teachers
  • guide
  • opportunity
  • luck
  • chance
  • success
  • happiness
  • health
  • relationships
  • definition
  • education
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