IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some scientists believe that in the future computers will be more intelligent than human beings, while others see this as a positive development others worry about the negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #future #computers #beings #development #consequences
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Nowadays,
computers
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 are very popular and widespread, and because of
this
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, there are many opinions about them. Some
people
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 think that
computers
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 will become more intelligent than humans in the
future
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. Others consider that there will be negative consequences
of
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for
show examples
computers
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 in the
future
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. Personally, I think that
computers
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 will have more advantages than disadvantages. On the one hand,
computers
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 will improve
people
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's lives because they are becoming more intelligent every day and making everything easier.
For example
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,
computers
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 will be able to treat
people
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 with various diseases and know many ways to help them,
while
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 humans cannot be so professional. Innovations like telemedicine and AI-driven diagnostics show how technology can enhance healthcare.
Additionally
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,
computers
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 can analyze vast amounts of data quickly, aiding in scientific research and improving decision-making processes.
Moreover
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, they can make the economy of a country better by optimizing production processes and reducing costs.
On the other hand
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,
computers
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 may cause negative consequences related to
health
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 in the
future
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.
For example
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,
people
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 may become more addicted to the internet than they are now, leading to sedentary lifestyles and various
health
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 issues
such
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 as obesity, eye strain, and mental
health
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 disorders. Social isolation could increase as individuals become more reliant on virtual interactions rather than face-to-face communication.
Additionally
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, issues
such
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 as cybercrime and online harassment could rise, creating a sense of insecurity in an increasingly digital world. In conclusion, I believe that
computers
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 will undoubtedly change
people
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's lives in the
future
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. They will be able to perform various important tasks that humans cannot, and
this
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 will lead to numerous advancements in
health
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, productivity, and
overall
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 quality of life.
While
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 some negative aspects must be addressed, I am optimistic that the benefits of computer technology will ultimately outweigh the drawbacks, making the world a better place for everyone.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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task response
Try to expand your discussion on both viewpoints by providing more balanced analysis and deeper exploration of the potential consequences.
task response
Your examples are relevant, but consider adding more diverse examples and elaborating on them to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, some sections could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas, enhancing the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph connecting well to the topic.
task response
You have addressed the topic effectively, discussing both potential benefits and drawbacks of computers becoming more intelligent.
task response
Your examples, such as telemedicine and AI-driven diagnostics, are specific and demonstrate a good understanding of current technological advancements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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